Kira's pregnancy and birth story

A little back story and something personal. For about a whole year, Kinley cried to me and asked daily for a baby sister. Seriously every day. I was not baby hungry in the slightest. Kinley and her epilepsy as a baby gave me some serious anxiety and ptsd. The thought of babies now terrified me even though I was obsessed with them prior. But, she at only 2 would actually cry to me asking for a baby sister. When this started happening and kept going on for a while,  I strongly felt that Kinley knew more than I did and I felt there was another little spirit wanting to be earth side. I had some special moments that confirmed that this was what we were supposed to do even though I really was not ready. After praying about it for months and having so much anxiety about adding to our family, we decided to start trying. We weren't sure how long it would take especially because it took so long with fertility treatments to get Kinley here. It was July of 2018, 2 months in of trying, and I thought I was trying to start my period. It was different than normal but wouldn't stop so I figured it was my period. After a week I wondered if maybe it was implantation spotting, even though it was heavier than just spotting. I had one last cheapy pregnancy test sitting in our closet. So one morning I figured I'd take it, just to rule out pregnancy. I was certain it would be negative. While washing my hands and looking at the test, it was clearly negative. I thought, yeah, just a weird period I guess. After I dried my hands and went to throw the test away, I saw the faintest of faint 2nd line and my heart dropped to my stomach. I stared at that thing forever with all the emotions. Mostly shock though. I was getting ready to head to my sisters house. Before I went there, I went to Wal mart and bought like 3 more different tests. I got to my sister's house and showed her the tests that I wanted to take. We both were freaking out. I took the nice tests and sure enough, all of them were positive. I ugly cried at my sister's house. It was surreal! I was so nervous to be pregnant again, to add another baby to our family, scared of it all really, yet I had a very peaceful feeling about it and knew everything would be a ok.

The cheapy test I took at my house.

Definitely pregnant! 

So this pregnancy was hands down, one of the hardest things I've gone through. I was really sick with Kinley too, but this pregnancy was so much worse. I was basically on the couch all day every day, and would try to sleep away my misery every chance I could. I was throwing up multiple times every single day for months. I had absolutely ZERO energy and was completely exhausted. Like, I felt like my arms weighed 100 lbs each and it took every amount of effort in me to move. I'd get super car sick. Medicine didn't help me at all and would cause other problems. I had absolutely horrible food aversions that sometimes even the thought of a certain food would make me throw up. I had to gag anything down for every meal and every snack. I started having braxton hicks contractions at around 11 weeks and they continued throughout my entire pregnancy. I'd basically ugly cry to Caleb multiple times a week because it was exhausting and so hard to feel that awful and not escape it. Still trying to be a mom to Kinley and being that sick was brutal. I relied heavily on prayer, my husband, and occasionally a priesthood blessing when it seemed like I couldn't go on. Things started to look up about half way into my pregnancy. This pregnancy was for sure harder on my body and was so much more uncomfortable than my first. I would have my doctor adjust me every appointment. I had sciatic nerve issues all throughout which made it so I could barely walk at times. Other than that, I had all the typical aches and pains that come with pregnancy, all which are not pleasant. By 30 weeks, I was miserable. It seemed like everything went downhill from there and by 36 weeks, I couldn't wait to get this baby out of me. I had scheduled an induction for 39w 4d if I hadn't had her yet. I was really hoping to go on my own because I didn't particularly want to be induced, but, I was so uncomfortable that I would do anything at that point to have her. Starting at 37 weeks, I started having false labor. Each time it would happen in the night but every time, the contractions would die off after a couple hours and were never that painful. 

I was 38w 6d and was beyond uncomfortable. That day I was running errands with Caleb and felt like I could hardly walk. I was having so many braxton hicks contractions, my hips and back were so sore, I was kind of grumpy and I just wanted to go home and lay down. That night, I cried myself to sleep because I was just so so done. I don't remember being this uncomfortable with Kinley's pregnancy.  This pregnancy was definitely harder on my body. I went into labor with Kinley at 39 weeks exactly so I was hoping that I would with this pregnancy too. I finally fell asleep around 11 that night. I woke up to Kinley at midnight, so now officially 39 weeks and have had 1 hour of sleep. While putting her back to sleep, I was having contractions and they hurt. After Kinley fell back asleep, I then started timing my contractions and told Caleb who hadn't gone to sleep yet what was going on. The contractions were getting intense fast and I wasn't really able to talk through them. I figured that this was probably it so I finished packing our hospital bags, took a shower to see if that would slow them down at all, which they didn't, and continued to time them. They were about 2 min apart lasting about 1 min. I had Caleb take Libbie our dog to his parents house and at about 2 am I called my mom to come stay with Kinley. Besides the painful contractions, things were good. We were laughing and excited and nervous. Before we left, I snuck into Kinley's room and snuggled and smooched her over and over. It was such a bittersweet moment for me knowing that would be the last time I'd see her with it being just the 3 of us, yet so excited for her to meet her sister. 

My last bump picture I took at 38 weeks

The drive to the hospital was intense. My contractions were awful. I definitely couldn't talk though them and they were killer. Id hang onto the handle above the window, arch my back, teeth clenched, eyes shut type of contractions were happening. Between them though, me and Caleb would just talk and laugh till another came and then things would be serious. Me and Caleb got to the hospital around 3:30 am. We had to enter through the E.R. since it was in the middle of the night and the front doors were closed. I got my first ever wheelchair ride to the labor and delivery wing. Once we got to our room, my contractions were about to put me in tears. I was definitely not able to talk through them and they were intense. I got changed and into the bed. By this time it was 3:45 am. The nurse checked me and I was 5 cm dilated. Woo! That was exciting to me. I was officially in active labor and we were going to have a baby soon. By this point my contractions were back to back. I had maybe 20 seconds in between them and they were so awful. Pretty sure Caleb's hand was sore from me squeezing it so tight. The tears started coming too. My nurse called the anesthesiologist right away because I was more than ready for that epidural. While waiting, my nurse got my IV in and blood work. Not too long after, the anesthesiologist came in to give me my epidural. I was so grateful to see him. He was whizzing through all the paperwork and risks and yada yada because It was clear I was miserable and we were ready to get that epidural Haha. I got my epidural around 4:30 am. And as weird and not enjoyable as it was to get that, I felt sooo much better. The popping and crunching feeling while getting it freaks me out. I did have a moment right after I got it where I got super light headed and incredibly nauseous and kinda blacked out there for a bit. After about 10 minutes of that first initial dose, things got better and I felt sooo much better. My body could finally relax and the nausea was subsiding. The nurse then put my catheter in then left us to labor and rest for a bit. I think at around 5:30 am, she checked me again and couldn't tell how far dilated I was because my bag of water was bulging and in the way. She could tell I had a little bit to go though. At 6 am, I called my sister Kristie. She was going to be there for the delivery and take pictures. I told her that I'd call her back when I got checked again so she didn't come and just wait around for hours since labor can last a long time. At around 7, I could start to feel my contractions again. They weren't necessarily painful but I could feel them. At 7:30 am, Dr. Leavitt came in to break my water. When he checked me, baby was right there. My water was bulging and I was fully dilated and ready to push. No wonder I could feel my contractions again. She was low and coming. I frantically call my sister who lives about 35-40 min away and tell her to hurry as fast as she could. My doctor said we could wait till she got there to break my water and start pushing. She arrived right at 8 am. Thank goodness she didn't miss it! Dr. Leavitt came back in by 8:15 am. He broke my water and I started to push. As I was pushing, we realized that there was meconium in my water. They called a NICU team in just in case. While pushing, the mood was light, exciting, and just fun honestly. Dr. Leavitt was showing my sister everything down there since she was so fascinated. Caleb stayed by my side since he gets grossed out about that stuff haha. In between contractions we all would just talk and joke around. Dr. Leavitt was trying to get Kristie to date his son haha things were fun! Things were happening fairly quickly. Her head was right there but kinda stuck so my Dr did an episiotomy which I was a little bummed about, but, whatever to get the baby here safe and sound. I pushed for I think 6 contractions as hard as I could. The nurses and my doctor were great and coaching me through it. That last push, I looked down and I watched myself push out our baby girl which was really amazing! I wasn't in near the pain as I was with Kinley so I got to actually open my eyes and see myself and what my body was capable of doing. It was amazing! Once I had her, Caleb cut the cord, and she was put on my chest. The moment you have a baby is absolutely surreal. It's an incredible and spiritual experience for me. I couldn't believe that this little baby, the one we've all talked about and waited for for almost a year now, was finally here. They wiped her down some and then took her over to make sure she was ok from the meconium. She ended up being perfectly fine and healthy. She wasn't much of a cryer and that had me a little nervous, but she checked out fine! They weighed her, did all the vitals, and continued to clean her off. She was hardly making a peep so I kept asking if she was ok, which she was, just calm! While they were doing all of that, my Dr was stitching me up. They brought baby girl back to me and I did skin to skin. The moment I did that, it was a little emotional and just so special. My baby girl was finally here! She was healthy, beautiful, and so loved already. And, I was no longer pregnant! Haha 

Kira Layne Niederer 

Born March 23rd, 2019

8:35 a.m.

6 lbs.

19 inches

Primary Children's Hospital - Kinley's epilepsy update

In April we had to go down to Primary Children's for a follow up appointment along with another EEG for our girl. This was the big appointment we all have been waiting for. I was so anxious and had so many thoughts before this trip. We were having another EEG done since it's been about 2 years since Kinley has seized and if it came back clear, we were able to wean off medication which is such a blessing. We all obviously want her off medication but there was a big part of me that was so scared of doing that because all I know of Kinley not being on her medication was a seizing non stop little girl and to relive that terrifies me to death. For her EEG they had to have specific rules to basically trigger a seizure. Stuff like no sugar, and she had to be sleep deprived for it. So we had to put her to bed at like 10 that night then I had to wake her at 4:30 that morning. Since we were in a hotel I brought new toys and stuff to keep her occupied while in the hotel. No one slept that night including kinley so with that and only having given her just over 6 hours of sleep, she was definitely grumpy. We spent all morning and afternoon at Primarys. The EEG was a nightmare which we planned on. Kinley hated it and screamed the whole time. They had to have her look into a strobe light for probably well over 5 min to stress the brain and basically see if they could trigger a seizure. After a snotty crying fighting mess the EEG was done after about an hour. We had a little bit of time to kill before her next appointment, so we played with some toys there. Then it was time for her next appointment. Long story short, her EEG came back clear, YAY!! We all kind of expected that especially where she's still on seizure meds. But with the 2 years seizure free and a clean EEG, that meant we could wean off medication! No more daily fight to get her to take it, exhausting EVERY single option I could think of to get that stuff down, no more countless blood work, no more traveling to Primary Children's, and I'm hoping this improves her sleep. I seriously hope that this phase of life can be in the past and that I can mostly mentally move on with my future life goals. We are still on seizure watch for the next year so we aren't completely out of the woods yet. She has a 25 % chance that she'll seize again and if she does, we'll have her medication and rescue medication (which cost us just shy of $500) on hand and the clock starts over with EVERYTHUNG. I'm trying to stay cautiously optimistic. I want so badly for this to be a thing of the past and for this to not be a future part of her life. I dream of a healthy happy bright future for Kinley. I'm pretty sure that's all any parent wants for their kids. Kinley's epilepsy brought parenthood a whole other level of hard and I think I would be such a different kind of mom had I not been put in this situation. But, that's life, and although this journey has been so hard mentally, I do feel like this trial has brought its good too. Kinley has only 2 more doses of medication before she's off and we are gonna celebrate for sure! We're so happy she's healthy, happy, and thriving. We love you Kinley Ray and look forward to a seizure free life with you!

It was a snowy day while at Primarys

She CLUNG to Caleb this trip. She's become such a daddy's girl. He's a smitten kitten with her which makes my heart all gushy.  After our appointments, we just ate our late lunch there at the hospital then came back to the hotel to wash Kinley's hair from the EEG. It leaves major glue allll over. After that we headed to this amazing aqaurium in Draper. So worth it! Kinley loved it but still said most fish were "discusting" haha. 

After a few days we were headed back home and hopefully not headed back into those hospital doors ever again! Fingers crossed!! 

February and March

I hate when I get so far behind! So once again, I'll do a quick recap on the last couple months, just so I have it documented.

Kinley and I both got pretty sick the beginning of March. Doctors and more doctors. It ended up being bronchitis and ear infections. Antibiotics and steroids. With Kinley's sickness though she threw up 3 times over the course of a few days and had a fever for 4 days. It was a rough but we made it through! We had a scare with Kinley a couple weeks ago. She has had a couple different rashes going on. One on her arm and one on her feet. After trying to get rid of them myself for over a week I ended up taking her to a doctor at her pediatricians office. That visit was actually scary. He made it out to seem like they could be really serious  wanted to get blood work right away and the feeling there was scary. He thought it was maybe a blood disorder or something. He wanted to do blood work, check with her neurologist at primarys, look into her seizure med, and just made it seem like a big deal. I'm alone and scared. The blood work went terribly. It took 5 prodded pokes. They for the life of them could not find a vein so they ended up doing a heel prick and squeezed blood out of her little foot for probably 3 minutes till it filled the vile. My heart ached for her. It was brutal. There's nothing worse having to hold and pin your child down while they look at you with sad eyes like why would you let them hurt me? It was awful. The second we left the hospital I started bawling. Things like that are simply too much. Especially because it triggers all the emotions and flash backs from when she was so sick with her seizures. I took her to artic circle for ice cream and called my mom and ended up bawling there too. People around and I honestly just couldn't hold it in nor did I care. It was a rough day. Long story short, thankfully the blood work came back good but we were referred to a dermatologist. After seeing them, we found that she has a viral rash on her arm and a weird type of excema on her feet. So we went from a blood disorder or leukemia scare to viral rash and excema. Talk about an emotional rollar coaster. Lesson learned, just go to the dermatologist first.

I went on a girls trip with my mom and sisters last weekend and it turned out to be so fun! I was pretty nervous for it but it went great! Zupas, city creek, ruby snaps cookies, ihop haha, swimming, hotel, Farmington station shopping, subway, home. We just went for one night and it was perfect. Kinley did great which made it that much better! That needs to become an annual thing.. Atleast! Haha

The rest of the updates I'll do through pictures. There's not really much more that we've been up too. Just every day life stuff!

"helping" with dinner haha

This hasn't happened in months. Some of my most cherished moments for sure. 

Discovered she actually does like peanut butter!

Caleb took kinley to the park for the first time while I was in therapy. She loooved it. 

Cousins on grandma's bed 

Playing at grandmas

Always "cooking dinner" haha

This girl has some attitude. 2 going on 16.

Caleb is good! He has been busy with work and often gets kinda stressed but the business is doing great! He's such a amazing dad to Kinley and always, always has her laughing. He's so cute, I freaking love that man!

I'm doing pretty good at the moment. I had a personal experience happen to me this month when I was sick and I think it has made the rest of this month go much more smoothly. I am still in therapy, and am seeking even more help in a couple weeks for my out of control anxiety. The weather and flu season leaving has helped me quite a bit. I'm taking one day at a time. I cherish every single good moment even if its as simple as sitting and feeling good. I'm busy with Kinley but overall  life is good.

Kinley is great! I swear she looks 5 years old now and almost acts that old too. I feel like every day she says something new, outs more words together, and is just growing like a weed. She's smart, and super funny. It's been fun actually being able to somewhat communicate with her and understand her needs and wants that much more. She has more sass and attitude that I know what to do with. Seriously I don't know where she gets it and I often just laugh because I don't know how to discipline the behavior because it's so often. I think it's just a phase and part of being 2! She loves to be busy and gets restless real quick. She enjoys being out and about and busy, but also loves her pepper pig show and coloring. It's all about balance with her. She still hates sleep and her sleep talking /night terrors/whining and crying in her sleep is out of control. It will happen almost nightly and go on for 3, or 4 hours before I eventually wake her up to start her sleep cycle over. She ends up in our bed pretty much every night. No one sleeps here. On average I'm up with her or because of her anywhere from 2 to 8 times a night still. Despite her sleep and overwhelming sass, she's so much fun. She makes life fun and happy and brings such a great feeling to our home.