Sometimes being a mom can be hard. It can be exhausting, trying, emotional, yet amazing, rewarding, and happy. Since having Kinley, we have had all the emotions. First with being smitten when she was born, so thrilled and overjoyed with love. Then we've had the absolute scary and horrific time of hospitals and seizures and medications and so on, and since she's been seizure free, things have all been great.....besides her sleep. I knew before I ever even had kids that for me I knew that the lack of sleep I knew I would get would probably be one of the toughest things for me as a mom. And I was right. Kinley is and has been a horrible sleeper pretty much since day one. She had her small moments that she would do well but it was typically when they were changing or upping meds that would knock her out for a while. Now that they are in her system, we kind of think that her meds is what is causing her to have issues with sleeping. Her sleep is very inconsistent so I can't tell you exactly how each night will go because it's usually different every night. However, I do know that I can't ever plan on a good nights sleep. And that has been very difficult. More difficult than I think people realize. It's one thing when It's a few nights in a row but then things go back to normal. But when it is night after night for months and months it really takes a toll on everything. My patience has been tested and is shot. My emotions I cannot control and I often find myself crying especially when It's 3 am and It looks like I'll be up for the day....or night. However you want to say it. It makes me feel like I'm a crappy mom and like I have no clue on how to raise my child. It's hard when it's a fight to get her to sleep every. single. time. She only naps for about 30 min a day and then anywhere from 7 to 10 hours at night but will often still wake up 1-3 times a night and usually each time takes a good hour if not 2 to get her back to sleep. Sometimes she'll go an hour at night, sometimes its like 6 and then very randomly, she may go a night without waking up till like 6 that morning. Those are extremely rare though. I honestly have no idea how she is growing and feeling good because I feel like I will take any opportunity I can to sleep and I feel sleep deprived. I feel run down a lot. Like a zombie. Burning eyes, and lots of headaches. These 15 min cat naps I get while Kinley sleeps isn't helping much. She's completely attached to me since she is nursing which results in me being the one that gets up in the night. I sometimes get very jealous if not angry when other moms tell me that their babies sleep 12-13 hrs at night and also take 2, 2 hr naps a day. Oh what I could do for myself if I had that kind of time. With the no sleep issue means I don't get me time which has also taken it's toll. I feel like God has really put me in a situation that has really had me work on my patience. I have always not really had any so I have honestly tried to work on it. I've tried to just let go and not be so uptight about things and just go with the flow more. I've stopped fighting it so much. If she refuses to sleep here, I usually will end up taking her on a drive and that usually has her out. I've taken more drives than I can count. But, it usually does the trick. I've enjoyed the day drives where I can go out and sight see or drive down a road I've never been on. The middle of the night drives are a different story. haha
Late night drive to put this baby to sleep haha her new stink face look.
Another pretty drive. Excuse the cracked window.
Another thing that's been hard lately is everyone being sick. I feel like Kinley gets sick back to back or either me or Caleb in between her. I feel like I am constantly taking care of someone that is sick and that's very wearing and hard too. This last week Kinley has had a fever that would not go down, she threw up one of the days, had a gurggly stomach, wouldn't sleep at night, yet would sleep on me a lot during the day which is complete opposite of her. It's been pretty tiring. I ended up taking her to the doctor just to rule anything out and he said her throat was red and that she just had a stomach bug of some kind. It's day 4 and her fever is I think almost gone. She seems like she is starting to perk up some. Poor baby girl. She's been miserable. Although it's so hard and wearing and you feel so bad for them, I do love the extra snuggles. It always has me a little more on edge when she gets sick, especially with a fever just because her chance of seizing goes up. It's always a constant worry in the back of my mind but I think when things like this happen, I just am that much more aware and am on "seizure watch". Anyways. That's my life lately.
Sick baby girl :(
She would just lay here on the floor and watch Clifford. She never does that. Poor bug!
Stink face
My sister came up a week ago and stayed for a couple days. We were headed out to go shopping and she showed up at my house in my old shirt, and I was wearing her old shirt. They are basically the same so we were matching all day haha
I love my days being spent with my baby. Before Kinley, the days I was just home and Caleb was at work doing his doubles (16 hr shifts) would just drag and get so lonely. Although they still do, it helps that I have my little sidekick to keep me busy.
This may be one of my favorite things that she does. ANY time she sits, she will just cross those cute little feet. Such a lady. haha
I made a wreath! All of it came from the dollar store. Cost me $7! Score!
And when Caleb leaves for work, Kinley will sob and point at the door. She LOVES her daddy.
As for other updates, Caleb has been busy working as usual. Some big things are happening and we are excited for our future. Can't say much just quite yet, but I'm so proud of him and all his hard work he puts in. Sure love that boy!
I'm just same old same old. Being a mom and a wife and taking care of my family. I feel like we have quite a routine anymore and it's overall good.
Kinley, besides being sick and not sleeping well, is doing great. She is still seizure free which is great. She is growing up so much lately and has a new thing she does pretty much every day. She is such a light to me and Caleb.
Libbie is also the same. Today is actually her 6th birthday! haha We have had her for 6 years now. She is still her hyper self that gets depressed if she's not at Caleb's dads. Still very jealous of Kinley and HATES when Caleb holds Kinley. We have tried and tried to train her and nothing is working. It's been frustrating. We still hope that one day it get's better.
