Mothers Day / Kristie's Birthday

This mothers day was a tad bit harder for me. I've debated even blogging about mothers day because I didn't want it to be all about me or my selfishness. It hit me harder this year because we are obviously having difficulties getting pregnant. It was hard to not feel sorry for myself and focus on all the wonderful moms out there when I'm over here just longing to be a mom and that just isn't even working out nor has it worked out. I blame it on my condition. I've spent thousands of dollars including a surgery to hopefully help the process along. So far nothing. I'm not giving up hope but it sure is probably one of hardest things I've had to deal with. Emotionally, physically, and mentally. All past mothers days I've always loved it to be able to make my mom feel extra special, but this year I couldn't help but think of myself, friends, and family that have dealt with infertility, losing a child/miscarriage/stillborn, or losing their mom. I avoided the internet and especially facebook and instagram. I know thats horrible because everyone is always so kind on there making a loving status towards their moms. Going to church on mothers day has now become a challenge. Maybe next year will be better but for now I did what I could. Seeing family and friends loving on their babes hurts to watch. And for some reason, whenever it's a holiday, that is when it is especially hard. I dream of babies and kids. I want the small things so bad. I want to read my children stories, do their hair, feed them meals, take them trick or treating, wake me up in the night that their scared or hungry, take them to the zoo/ park, have picnics, travel, the list goes on and on. I want to be a mom. I know I have no control over these trials and that either way, it is in the lords hands. I had to and still have to remind myself of that every day. So that little saying was what got me through that day. That and having a supportive husband and pup that I claim my child.

Although it was a tough day, it was also a wonderful day. I love being able to have a day to show moms out there how grateful we are of them. Especially my mom. I am truly blessed to have the mom I do! Shout out to my mom, grandparents (even though they are in heaven), sister in laws, and my sister who's got one baking. You are all fantastic. You guys make me excited for my own one day.

For mothers day we all met up at my parents for dinner......

......And as usual there was TONS of food. Everyone was so full and so they decided to compare with prego in the group. It's a toughie on who one ;) 

My sister Kristie turned 14 this last week. She's growing up WAY too fast! I ended up out at my parents to hang out with her on her actual birthday and then we combined mothers day and her birthday with family where they were so close.

I ended up getting her a nail polish kit thingy with more nail polish so she'll stop asking to use mine ;) ha

Happy birthday sister! You are so beautiful and turning into such a cute girl. I love you lots! 

Overall life is busy but going good! Caleb and his job are improving a LOT. Lots of changes are happening and for the better. We are definitely excited about it!

Same old same old for me!

And same for Libbie too :)

We are honky dory and doing well :)

Update

Last Sunday my family got together for our usual dinner. Afterwards as we were all visiting, my dad mentioned that when he was a kid he had this toy train and that he found the set when my grandparents passed away and they were cleaning out their house. So we pulled it out and it was kind of neat!

Setting it up.

Cute little nephew :)

All while that was going on, my mom helped my brother Lane make cookies for the first time.

So this is a couple weeks old but I thought it was adorable. 

And this was from yesterday. Me and Shandell went shopping to get her some maternity shirts. I'm SO grateful for the relationship I have with my sister. We are incredibly close. The only true girlfriend I have ever had :) Love you sister!

As for other news--I am still working away! Lucky for me I got bumped up in my position. Which is huge! You are either just a stylist, an expert stylist, or master stylist. And only Tami is and will be the master stylist. So the highest you can go with a title is an expert and i'm proud to say I achieved that! It also means you raise your prices which leads to bigger pay checks. I've improved SO much and seriously love what I do. I hate to say it but I'm glad that my parents made me stick through it. You don't have to say I told you so mom and dad!! ;) I am still truckin along with my dental assisting school. Im pretty close to being done! Hallelujah! I also am still babysitting little miss Natalie. Recently I have become SO attached to her. I sometimes wish she were my own. I've pretty much recovered from my surgery. Surprisingly its still swollen and had been bleeding again this last week. Not really sure why. And not to be a total downer but the surgery didn't work. I still have a small glimpse of hope. If nothing changes within the next few months we shall continue onto the next step which is hormone/fertility shot. I'm so frustrated it's tough to talk about. So, I will just leave it at that. 

As for Caleb--He has been working more than 40 hours a week depending on the week. He's also still doing school. He is NEVER home. For all you who read this blog can call me a big ol baby all you want. I hate being away from Caleb. I hate that our schedules clash so much we literally never have a single day off to do something with each other. It's like Im gone before hes awake, and I'm in bed before he gets home. Sucks big time. I wish allll the time that I could turn back time and go way back to the times me and Caleb had the exact work schedule. We were with each other 24/7. And we loved every minute of it. We really aren't the people that "need a break from each other". Seriously. Like i've said in previous posts, if Caleb and I were with each other every day all day, we'd be happy. That's what makes us happy. It's what we look forward too. But, I am grateful we both have good jobs and a good life. I just wish there was more of us seeing each other in it. 

Libbie is good :) We think shes been having a reaction to the dog shampoo we buy her because her poor ears are probably scratched raw. :( Sorry Libbers! We are fixing that problem. 

I have been wanting to escape the world with Caleb and go on just an easy, no plans weekend getaway so if you have any ideas feel free to send them my way :)

Over all, life is good :) 

Easter

Everyone knows about the true meaning of Easter. So I'm not going to give a big story about it. Lets just put it this way. It was the day he had risen. Truly amazing. Moving on. Obviously the older I get it's easier to keep the true meaning of holidays in mind. As for Easter, it brings back many fun memories of the Easter bunny coming and hiding our Easter baskets and leaving a trail of candy through our home. There were many years I would get up super early to find it. I'd be searching for hours. ( the Easter bunny was a good hider ;) ) I would get super upset if it was time for church and all of my sibling had found their baskets but me and I'd have to wait till after church to find it. hahaha I suppose that taught me some patience. 

As for this year, we ended up at my parents house for a big dinner with my family. My mom had prepared a wonderful meal! ( She just had surgery 3 days ago and she still insists on cooking for us. Bless her heart. ) We rode dirt bikes for a while, then came back home. Pretty simple! 

Because of Christ, I get to spend eternity with Caleb. And that makes my heart happy.

A year ago..

I meant to write this blog post about a week ago but just never got to it. It's ok though, I'm doing it now :) So a year ago on March 27th of 2013 was the day I graduated cosmetology school. When that day was coming up this year, I had so many thoughts running through my head. I had all these bad, good, scary memories that I kept thinking of. Sadly, memories of me mainly of how I absolutely hated school. The multiple tests I had failed, the countless times I "quit", the times I was made fun of or was gossiped about, the times I was so sick, the times I went through 2 deaths in the family, losing my grant money due to bad grades. But not only bad came from it either. There were a feeewww good times. (I won't be that negative. haha) I had made a few friends, I myself became SO much stronger, I matured a LOT, I pushed myself in ways I didn't think were possible, and best of all, I passed both my boards, graduated, and received my license!

Now, here I am, working and have been since I graduated. In school, I told myself I would never work in a salon because I hated it that much. But, where I was offered a job (twice), I decided to put my big girl panties on and accept it and start my so called career that I didn't even want to do. The first couple months were a bit rough as would starting any new job. But, new management came, I got to know the girls better and better every day, and I slowly grew to love my job. Now I'm into it almost year and am SO grateful I am where I am. I love my job. I cannot believe how different it is compared to school. In a good way that is. I am building my clientele, my checks are getting bigger, I have more girlfriends now than I have ever had. It's fun, and I overall love what I do. I am SO grateful my husband, parents and familythat made me stick with school even though times were incredibly tough. I'm proud of myself and how far I've come in just a years time. And lastly, I am sooo grateful I stuck with it and have an amazing job. :]

On the road to recovery.

Awh..recovering from surgery. Was worse than I expected. I was kinda thinkin i'd be up and going after a day or two and that was not the case. Although I could walk, I was MUCH more sore than I was expecting to be. I was crampy, and my insides just..hurt..I don't really know how to describe how they felt. My incisions were very sore. Especially the belly button one. I was dizzy dizzy dizzy for like 3 days. My stomach was all over the place. I was SO hoping that this surgery would help my stomach issues and so far it has not. At all. So, I guess I will just have to deal with that forever. I wasn't able to lay on my sides at all for about a week. And I needed help getting out of bed for close to a week. Anything that used your gut muscles (which is more things than you realize) I needed help with. Now, almost 2 weeks later, I am finally starting to feel back to myself. That belly button incision is STILL sore, and still swollen and bruised. I still have to have Caleb tie my shoes. And bending all the way down is still tricky. But, I am doing MUCH better than before. I am super grateful I took as much time off work as I did because I would not have been ready to go back a week after. Plus even though this wasn't the type of break off work as I wanted, it has still been a nice break.

So this was I think day 4 or something. And it got even more bruised after this. It's still kinda purple and swollen. 

When Caleb had to go back to work, Libbie kept me company. 

haha so kinda funny story. Caleb had gone to work and I could NOT find Libbie ANYWHERE. I looked everywhere! Under the bed, in each bedroom, living room, seriously everywhere. I was calling her name and normally she comes out. Finally I went back into the bedroom to check again and here she was chillin on our dirty clothes. haha don't really know how I missed her the first 3 times I looked in there. But clearly she was content where she didn't come out when I was calling for her. haha

Caleb has to buy Libbie a new toy basically every time we buy her a new bag of dog food. She loves her new duck..........

..........so much she sleeps with it. And has been every night since he bought it for her. lol

Lovin her a good belly rub

Since it's been hard to bend over, Caleb offered to paint my toenails. They needed done SO bad. Best.husband.ever.

Last night, we decided to cut my sisters hair. Looks so cute on her!

And FINALLY today, I decided to get FULLY ready (which makes you feel a million times better after acting like a hobo for a week and a half) and go out to dinner with Caleb. Seriously this boy makes me laugh till I'm in tears.

And now for the mushy post that I'm sure you people care to read oh so much. I feel so incredibly blessed. I truly scored such an amazing husband. He has taken great care of me the last couple weeks. Although it wasn't like I was dying, its the small things that mean the world to me. Like painting my toes. haha But he truly is my rock. He's absolutely my most favorite human in this world. I have literally cried happy tears multiple times this week simply because I am in so much love. I didn't think I could love Caleb any more after I married him but he has proved me wrong. I am so completely head over heels for this boy. 

And now for my family. Especially my mom and sister. I cant thank them enough for the daily texts checking up on me, stopping by to see how I'm doing. The meals brought in, the love, and the support. I am blessed. I couldn't have asked for a better family. 

Surgery

Ohhh man, where to even start with this post. Firstly, this may a tmi post for you as its talking about female reproductive organs. Dont worry, i wont judge if you stop reading now.

So lets go WAYYY back. I started my very first period the day my mom went in for her cancer surgery. I was scared and had NO clue what i was doing. From that point on, every period i had was wacked out. I remember my longest lasting period was 6 weeks longs. yes i just said WEEKS. worst. thing. ever. Anyways, as time went on, my cramps were getting worse and worse and they were getting heavier and heavier. I went to doctor after doctor. I was put on different kinds of birth control but always ended up going off of them because they caused so many other problems. I was always having to deal with it on any vacation, camping trip, I missed school often, was late for class all the time because i was dealing with such a mess.

Now lets fast forward here. Now i started beauty school. And around March, I developed stomach problems. I again went to doctor after doctor. They gave my some pills that never worked. And now by summer, It was getting fairly bad. I had to take a leave of absence from school cause i was missing so much of it. I lost 18 pounds in like a month and a half which for me made my happy, but it was simply because i couldnt really eat anything without it hurting my stomach and making it run right through me. Losing that much weight made me realize something was going on. Im known to not be able to lose weight very easy AT ALL and have always been chunky my whole life. As time went on, my cramps and pressure got stronger and stronger.They were making my nauseous, extra moody, and down right miserable. My last month in hair school, I was doing a clients hair and i had blacked out from the pain i was in. And that was after taking medicine. That's when i came to realize that this was not normal. I was taking ibuprofen and tylenol every two hours alternating. Even through the night. I was up every two hours taking more meds. and even then the pain was SO intense. Times where I about went to the hospital. Not a way to live. So last summer in June, i went to Madison Womens clinic and started ALLL these tests. My doctor said she thought it was endometriosis but no one can tell until you have a laparoscopy (surgery) I tried everything to avoid surgery. No prescription meds were helping my pain. We werent able to get pregnant. So this was my last option. I had done an ultra sound where they found a cyst in there. So if i wanted my cramps, pressure, miserableness to go away and for us to even have a chance to get pregnant, i had to go through this surgery. I was SO nervous for it. So here's how the surgery went down.

I went in on the day before my surgery. It was my pre op and they told me details and what id be going though. I had to get poked 3 times for blood. My luck. both arms are slightly bruised. As i was walking out of the office, this little girl kinda makes her way through my mom and husband and tells me "HI, your really pretty!" then walks off. haha tender mercy. Made me calm down a bit. When i got home, i was so nervous of what i was about to get myself into. So i had Caleb give me a blessing. And i tell you what, i calmed down just like that. It was amazing. God is real people. Lets start with the bowel prep. Talk about rear cannons. Tmi?? 

This was how i had our bathroom set up. I knew id be spending hours in there so i wanted to be somewhat occupied.

So i had to down 2 BOTTLES of Miralax and a couple doses of the Dulcolax over a period of 5 hours. I was drinking SO much it was insane. I was in the bathroom ALLLL day basically peeing out my butt. I was in there for about 8 hours straight plus got up in the night about 10 times to go again. I hadnt eaten since 10 that morning. And that was a piece of toast and an oatmeal packet. I was STARVING. I had one of the roughest night of my life. I thought i knew what hungry was like but i was so wrong. I had absolutely NOTHING in my stomach. I couldnt eat or drink anything. About 3 in the morning, i woke Caleb up in tears. I was absolutely miserable. My surgery was scheduled at 10:30 that morning. I told Caleb i couldnt do it that i couldnt last another 9 or so hours. Call me a baby but that was miserable. I layed awake a lot of the night, with a bucket by my bed and i running to the bathroom every like half our. I seriously prayed all night that i could get some sleep and that i could make it through this hard time. Finally about 4 a.m. ish, i fell asleep. I woke up at 8 :40 that morning. I realized i had survived the night and that i was going to be able to get through this. I kept repeating in my head that i can do hard things. 

My mom came and picked me and Caleb up and we headed to the hospital. I surprsingly wasnt too nervous. I was mainly nervous for the IV and waking up nauseous. I HATE being nauseous. But, i had the most amazing nurse ever. She was SO sweet and kind and just made me calm. i changed into the super good looking hospital gown and cute socks. My nurse came in and gave me my IV. She did awesome. They started me on some anti nausea medicine through my IV, a pill, and a patch (that im still wearing). We had to wait for a little bit till the actual surgery. My nurse gave me some relaxant pill that made me so relaxed that i dont even remember anything. I dont remember getting put to sleep or anything. The next thing i do remember was waking up crying super hard. Anestesia is SO weird. I was just crying and couldnt stop. i had NO clue why either. I dont remember much. I wasnt nausous and didnt have much pain. But because im sensitive and concidered a light weight, i wasnt able to leave an hour or so after the surgery. I got there at 10:30 that morning and didnt leave till about 7 that night. Both Caleb and my mom had a hoot being in the room when i woke up. I dont blame them. I was apparently saying HILLARIOUS things. Some of the things they said i was saying/crying was:

My nose kept itching when i woke up. So i started crying because i thought my nose was swollen.

I kept telling Caleb that he was SOOOOO CUUUUTEEEEE. and that  my mom was SOOOOOO beautiful.

I asked caleb if my eyelashes were straight from crying and he said yes. So i started crying yet again. The nurse came in and asked what was wrong and i told her my eyelashes went straight :( hahaha

I felt the back of my head and could feel that i had wicked bed head. I told them that pretty girls dont have bed head and started crying. 

Caleb started stroking his hand through my hair and he asked if that felt good. and i apparently yelled, OHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! THAT FEELS SOOOOOO GOOOODDDD. everyone in the hall heard me.

I was gettin mad that that cuff around my arm kept squeezing it SO tight. So i was supposedly yelling at it to stop squeezing my arm so tight. 

And i had a moniter thing on my finger, and every time i took it off, the machine would start beeping. So i shouted, MYY BADD..

I told my mom i should write my nurse a letter since she was so kind. 

Every time i cried i thought my body was falling apart and leaking. 

My mom and Caleb just kept laughing at what i was saying. So every time they started laughing, i would cry and ask why they were laughing at me.

Those are just a few of the things i was saying.  How embarrassing yet hillarious. I would have enjoyed watching myself. Finally that evening, i was able to get up and use the bathroom. I did leave a trail of blood and it was such a mess. There is no privacy at a hospital. haha my butt was hangin out and my mom was in there and i didnt even care. ha

So for the actual surgery, this is was they found. They made 3 incisions on my belly. They went in and drained 5 cysts. There was a little bit of endometriosis. They found a polyp on my cervix. My Fallopian tubes were completely blocked, so they blasted through those..also known as some huge fancy word, or also known as the dye test. That would explain why i havent been able to get pregnant. My eggs havent been able to travel  through my uterus. They also did a D&C. So i am pretty stinkin sore.

My stomach feels large. It just got pumped up with gas and im super swollen. Pretty bruised today also. Theres an incision in my belly button, one to the left and one down low. Im still bleeding from my D&C. So its quite uncomfortable. Over all, things went good. Ever since the surgery, i havent been able to hear anything and they think that when they put the tube down my throat that it messed with my equilibrium and thats why im STILL so dizzy today. They are popping like crazy. 

Me and Caleb stayed the night at my parents house just so my mom could be there to help Caleb out. We came home this morning. Im just resting and feeling loaded on pain meds. I do have some rib and shoulder pain from the gas they put in you. Im sure its just traveled up in there. Overall things went ok. As good as a surgery can get. Im hoping that this surgery helps with the pain ive been going through my stomach issues and that i can now hopefully get pregnant. Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best!! 

My work

I love my job. I love what i do. Here is a short post of some pics of my work. I need to take more so i can build my portfolio!

So this is my SIL Andrea. We did a melt from darker red/orange, to lighter red/orange to a golden blonde. Turned out beautiful!

My sister Kristie came in and wanted some highlights! So fun to have her come in :)

Here it is! turned out GORGEOUS! Makes me miss my long blonde hair ha ha

This last Sunday, i was out at my parents and gave 5 out of 5 of them haircuts haha. This was my sisters new look. Just shortened it a bit and gave it some shape. Turned out SO flippin cute! 

And of course had to throw in this gem. Im a wee bit obsessed with my chunky monkey nephew :)