Logan, my birthday, weight loss, and more.

A lot has happened the last few weeks and it has seemed pretty stinkin busy! We'll start with going to see my sister. Last week me, Kinley and my mom went to Logan to visit my sister. It was a lot of fun to see her and where she lives, her apartment, all that. We did shopping, dinner out, more shopping, and my sister kinda showed us around the area. It was fun! Shandell last minute ended up coming BACK with my mom and I and has stayed up here for the past week. It's been so much fun! I don't want her to go back. We have way too much fun together and I miss her like crazy when she isn't around.

Out for dinner

It was a fun trip, we just wished that our sister Kristie could have been able to come. Next time!

Last Tuesday was my 24th birthday! Caleb had taken it off months ago which was awesome because he hasn't taken off work so we could have a day of fun....I don't think ever. So we both were looking forward to the day, not just cause it was my birthday but because we could finally have the day to do something fun! Well, that morning, Caleb woke up with one of his bad migraines that leave him pukey and basically in bed trying to sleep it off or just not able to really move. So, since he was in bed not feeling well at all, I chose to do my normal Tuesday routine. I deep cleaned the house, scrubbed toilets, did loads of laundry, swept, mopped, dusted, all that. Took up most of my day. I finally decided to just get ready and go to wal mart to grab a few things and then maybe pick up dinner and bring it home since going out to dinner was kind of out of the picture. Right after I was ready, the power went out. Caleb by this time was feeling a little better and said he would come with and just stay in the car or something. So, we loaded up and left. We got to Idaho Falls just to find that the power was out there too. Wal Mart was even closed along with every other business. So, there goes my errands, AND dinner. So home we went. I finally made french toast for dinner at like almost 8 when the power came back on. Caleb had ordered me a birthday present and it got there that evening so when we came back from our drive, I opened it. He got me a vinyl cutter! I'm excited to use it! I have to figure out how to first though. It's gonna take some practice for sure but I'm excited because I have a ton of ideas I want to do for the house.

All in all, even though all our plans went out the window for the day, it was still a good day just spent at home. 

I did manage to at least get a picture. :)

On Wednesday, me, Kinley, my two sisters, and one of my sister's friends went to Rexburg Rapids. It was Kinley's first time swimming and she LOVED it. It was also the first real time of me being in the sun in like 2 years so I burnt, even where I put sunscreen on. It was all fun and games till a kid pooped in the pool and everything got shut down for a while. That's when we decided to leave. ha

Friday me and my two sisters got together and went shopping. They FINALLY have back to school clothes available so I was actually able to find me some clothes that I was desperate for. After shopping, we did a couple errands, grabbed lunch, hung out at home, then later went in for some ice cream and then hung out outside on our swing set. It was SUCH a good, fun, needed day with the sisters. We laughed till we cried multiple times. It makes me THAT much more sad when my sister has to go back home to Utah.

I have now lost 60 pounds. 60!! 70 if you include my pregnancy weight! I seriously cannot believe it. I remember before trying so hard to lose weight and would always fail and get frustrated or mad when I wasn't losing anything and at the time thought I was doing really good with my diet. But with the lifestyle I now live, my diet before was still HORRIBLE, even when I thought it was good. I'm proud of myself! I have about 15 ish more pounds I'd like to still lose but I am so thrilled with my results even now. For me, it wasn't even necessarily the weight lost, but the confidence I have gained. I can shop and actually find clothes that fit, cross my legs, bend over without my gut pushing down my pants off my butt, sit on the floor, sit on my knees, get down and play with my daughter, I'm not a whale next to Caleb even though I don't think I'll ever be smaller than him due to his health, and overall just move better and feel better and lighter. I feel so much happier, less depressed, and just so much more confident. Looking back at my weight gain, I knew exactly what I was doing wrong, yet I was so depressed I just didn't care and it was a constant cycle. The whole infertility, house hunting, and things constantly not going as planned was taking a huge toll on me and I got really depressed and ate and ate and ate, and ate all the wrong things and broke every rule when it came to food. So, it's been quite a journey, but it's all been for the better and I am proud of who I've become because of my past. So, here's now a bunch of selfies to show my progress! haha

Picture on the left was Christmas of 2014--3 months before I got pregnant. Overweight, depressed, low self esteem. On the right, July 2016--much more confident.

What a difference in my face and arms, neck, everything.

Same pants in both pictures.

Before

Another before--about 4 months prego.

33 weeks pregnant and so large. Thing is, is I only gained 10 pounds during my pregnancy, so it was all belly. Everything else stayed the same and that's just how big I was.

My old pair of jeans.

I am down 4 pant sizes, about 2-3 shirt sizes, I don't know how many inches, and 60 pounds! I have put up my entire wardrobe as I slowly but surely make a new one. It's bittersweet putting away/getting rid of/ taking to the di my old wardrobe because that's a ton of money in clothes that i'm just basically getting rid of. I tried to sell a bunch and nothing sold so that didn't work out. A LOT of it is in super great condition or hardly worn, some are even brand new because I had bought them right before I found out I was pregnant. But, it's also a relief knowing I don't need them and it's refreshing and fun getting new clothes! And seriously everything. Pants, shirts, sweats, underwear, jackets/hoodies/coat, everything. It's all been so worth it! 

And for the rest of the updates, I'll just post some pictures since it's all random.

Lots of evening walks and Kinley loves them.

Getting ready is seriously a nightmare anymore. I will give her anything and everything to keep her entertained but it uaully takes me 2 to 3 times as long to get ready since this one loves going straight for EVERYTHING she shouldn't.

Playing with cousin Arlen.

Church=us typically ending up in the hall because it is hard to keep a wiggle worm still and quiet for that long. It's usually a nightmare to be honest.

Just enjoying some fruit on her sore gums.

The snuggles are becoming fewer and further in between so i soak it up when it does happen.

Dreaming happy things apparently.

Big girl in the cart. She's still just about a bit too small to sit up there and is kinda wobbly but she loves it.

Just so cute!

4th of July--6 years!

This 4th of July was funner than a bunch of previous ones. For years, Caleb has had to work on this day and since we obviously didn't have kids, I was usually just at home alone, or I'd maybe meet up with my family. This year was I believe the 1st time in 6 years that he has been able to enjoy this holiday with me and I was SO happy about that! First things first, 6 years ago me and Caleb officially got engaged at the parade! Crazy it's been 6 years.

We were just babies!

As for yesterday, Caleb oh so happily went to the parade with me and my mom and then we met up with my brother, his wife, and their two kids. I haven't been to the parade probably since we got engaged so I must say, I understand why Caleb wasn't thrilled to go. Ha it was kind of lame. But, it's something to do on the 4th and I was excited to take Kinley since it's her first 4th of July! She didn't have a clue what was going on and we actually ended up leaving a bit early since she was getting pretty fussy and way beyond tired. 

thrilled about being at the parade haha I must say, he's a good sport about it even though he didn't really care to go.

After the parade, we dropped my mom off at her house, then we came home and just hung out for the afternoon. Made lunch, took a much needed little nap, kinda cleaned up the house, then that late afternoon, we headed back out to my parents house for dinner. We just hung out there till it was time to start getting Kinley ready for bed. 

He thinks he is so funny. ha

A little side note, earlier this week, we had a little neighbor boy come by (he allwayyys comes by for something) to see if I would buy this 1 little firework for a dollar. He was too cute to say no too so I gave him a dollar for it. 

After we put Kinley to bed, we waited till it was dark and me and Caleb went outside to light off our 1 firework haha. It was a dud at first which had us laughing because we lost a buck. After lighting it over and over it finally went off. That whole 5 second firework was how we ended our 4th of July :) 

It overall was a fun day. It was nice to be able to have Caleb to celebrate the holiday with. And holidays with kids are just that much more fun. Happy 4th of July!

                                       

7 Months and Boise

My baby is 7 stinkin months old! Why!? :(

At 7 months Kinley...

*Wears mostly 6-9 month clothes but still has a handful of some 3-6 month clothes she wears.

*Size 3 diapers.

*Whether it's teething or a sleep regression or both, this girl has not been sleeping. She'll do great one night, but then the next like week she is up anywhere from every 45 min to mayyybe 3 hours. We have NOT been sleeping over here and it's taking a toll on this mama. So she get's up maybe once or maybe like 8 times a night. Just depends. 

*Teething and is fussier than normal. It's so sad :( 

*Squeals a lot. Especially at Caleb.

*Loves to watch Libbie.

*Loves being outside and that's where we go if she's been pretty fussy.

*Army crawls and scooting like crazy, 

*Alllmost sitting up unattended.

*Still loves her dad and thinks he is just hilarious. He can get the best smiles out of her.

*Still definitely a mama's girl.

*Getting sassier every day.

She is keeping me more and more busy every day. She's kind of at a stage where she just isn't content with much of anything and wants me to hold her all the time. I swear my arm muscles are gaining some muscle from holding her cause she is getting heavy! Although she hasn't been too content, she still is hilarious and it's fun to see her grow and learn. Her current favorite thing is the door stoppers. She'll sit and fling those things for a long time. haha. We love you baby girl!

Caleb had to go to Boise for his work again. This time he hitched a ride with a buddy so I didn't have to go. It's hard going with a baby anymore and when I do go I'm left alone at the hotel or stuck in my car browsing the town cause I had to check out of the hotel or something. So, for me, it's a hassle cause I'm always alone while he is at his meetings and what not. So, I opted out this time. I think it's a lose lose situation for me. I either go and endure a long car ride with a baby and do things alone the entire time, or I stay here alone which I hate so bad too. So, it kinda stinks. After I dropped Caleb off for him to head down, I may have cried. I don't know why I have such a hard time with him being away from me but I do. I hate being alone without him. It was the longest 2 days ever. I kept waking up all night cause I was alone, and I just missed him! The next day I chose to go run some errands that could have waited but I needed to kill time. So that's what I did. I was happy to have picked him back up again and back home with me. 

After phone tag again, we are scheduled to meet with the Metabolics doctor when we go down for our Neurology appointment in August. We're still waiting for a call back but it is for sure in August when we go. It is then that we for sure will repeat the urine test, and do more blood work. They will do blood work every time we go down to check her medication levels. :( That's the only tests I know of that have to for sure be done. I am nervous and don't even like thinking about what more they will have to do. So, if the month of July could go slow, then fast forward to September with us all being healthy would be ideal. 

Just a quick little postpartum update, my hair is still falling out like crazy. I do think it is slowing down some but I still am shedding like no other. Hair everywhere. On the bright side, the spots that left me bald on my hairline are starting to grow back. They are annoying and I can't hide them since my whole hairline is like an inch long but at least they are growing! I also have still been working on my weight loss and have successfully lost 58 pounds pre pregnancy. I work out about 5 times a week and am still careful with my portions. I only lose about 2 ish pounds a month so it's slow but it's healthy and still coming off which I am happy for. 

Other than that, we have been barely surviving this heat. We don't have ac. so the house gets hot. Usually high 70s or 80. I don't know what the hype about summer is. We've seen a couple snakes in our yard so I refuse to go out there since I have a true phobia of snakes, bugs everywhere, allergies, I sweat my makeup off, and not being able to escape the heat. It's annoying to shower and get all cleaned up just to go and sit and start sweating. It's super awesome! We are ready for cooler weather for sure! We are still trying to get our yard fixed/cleaned up. Some sprinkler heads are broken and we just haven't fixed them, so we are constantly moving the sprinkler around trying to get our lawn looking nice. We've sprayed the old garden that was full of weeds, and are slowly but surely getting it all cleaned up and looking nice. 

Epilepsy update and Father's day

I know this post is once again me being pretty open about things, but this is for me and I want to be able to look back on this journey and remember experiences and emotions and see how far I've come. As of tomorrow, Kinley will be 2 months seizure free. I cannot express how happy and relieved in that aspect I feel. I can't believe we went from having 8 seizures a day down to 0. And it's all thanks to this 2nd medication. I think about the situation a lot and I often wonder what would have been or what could have happened if I wasn't annoying and didn't keep calling the doctors to push what I wanted to do. I don't know. Just a lot of what if's I guess. Something recently that has been hard for me and very frustrating is this whole follow up appointment that we had for Kinley over a month ago. Long story short, when we went to her follow up, we were told that her metabolic blood levels came back very high along with some urine tests. We both don't love this particular doctor and after asking what this meant, we were left with no answers and were left completely hanging. Because of this, my mind has assumed the worse. I have googled and tried to research which I know is a big no no and now I am that much more freaked out. Our doctor said she would get back to us within about a week with the results of the blood tests that they re ran because they wanted to see if the results changed. Well, a week passed and I didn't hear anything. So I called. No return call. Seriously I have called and called and called probably 3 to 6 times a week for OVER a month now and FINALLY this doctor got back to us. I was ticked because she is just now telling us that we need to do another urine test to re check some levels in that, along with them referring us over to Metabolics. I am frustrated because THIS exact reason was what we have been trying to figure out for over a month now and we are just now finding out. What if this is something that needs attention and we just wasted over a month? I keep telling myself that If it were that serious, they wouldn't have let us leave the office that day without being seen. But as a mom and dad left completely hanging, what else would you assume? It's scary. It's terrifying. I have struggled immensely with anxiety since her seizures and I cannot tell you how many times I have had to have Caleb reassure me that she is OK and that she will be ok. Even though I am so grateful she has been seizure free for 2 months now, I still am slightly a hot mess about all of this. Mainly because this whole deal just isn't over. We still don't have an exact answer and we are still seeing doctors. Since we now have to meet with Metabolics to see if she has a blood disorder, I cannot help but be just sad. Sad for my baby that we have to go down once again for more testing. Testing that I know will not be fun nor easy to get. More blood work, more urine, and who knows what other tests. I hate that she is only 6 months old, still a tiny baby, yet has had to endure more than anyone should ever have to in their life. People should travel hours away for fun, not for medical reasons. I pray with all my heart every single day that she is healthy, will continue to be healthy, and that IF this is something that isn't ideal, that she can still live a happy healthy life. I didn't know prior to becoming a mom how many times I would bawl myself to sleep in pure worry for my baby, how many times I would pull her out of bed just to hold her while she sleeps, how I still let her sleep in my room and probably will till she's like ready to move out of the house, how much I would miss her if I wasn't by her long enough to give a haircut, or how much I could possibly love her. She is the absolute joy and light in my life. The older I get, the more I realize how family is truly what this life is all about. Being a wife and a mom is what makes my heart feel fulfilled. I struggle daily with the anxiety and am in the process of getting it under control. But to my defense, I have witnessed and seen things that were a bit traumatizing and very hard to watch and they are like burned images in my head that I cannot seem to get out. So, from here, I am hoping for a positive trip to see the Metabolic doctor, and a healthy baby. We've come this far and I plan on continuing a positive and bright future.

It was Caleb's first father's day! I didn't do a ton but still wanted him to know how much we love and cherish him. 

We gave him this and I also made one of his favorite dinners. I am so grateful for Caleb and how he is as a dad. I love more than anything his positive happy energy, his gentleness, kindness, and love that he gives to our Kinley. She adores him and is now old enough that she will cry when he leaves the room and then smiles and giggles when he comes back. He is becoming more and more of a softy as Kinley get's older and I super love it. We sure love you Caleb. Happy Father's day. <3

Family pictures

Yesterday we were able to get some family pictures taken. I've been wanting them for a long time since we now have Kinley. It worked out good cause she's old enough she can obviously hold herself up which in turn make the pictures a little better. We used our family camera and my sister is still learning how to use it. It's an older camera so it's hard to tell on the pictures how in focus you are. Most of the pictures were slightly blurry :( which stinks but they'll be good enough till we get the next set in like another 6 months or so. ha

Random happenings

Last weekend, my parents had gone camping. My sister and brother were back and forth at the campground since they had work. On Friday, my sister was headed back up there and since Caleb was working his 15 hr shift, I rode up with my sister and hung out at the campground for the day.

Since Caleb has been working so much lately, I've been trying to find things just here at home to keep me busy. I FINALLY got some curtain rods so I could hang up Kinley's valences. It made her room that much cuter. Her nursery still isn't done but it's getting there. 

Then I FINALLY ordered some curtains for our front room and sliding doors. Our couch had come in and was delivered the day my curtains came. It was like Christmas! So, I spent the next day ironing and putting up these curtains. I was nervous with the color of curtains because online it showed that the stripes were more of a charcoal gray vs a lighter gray. But, I'm actually really happy with how they turned out! It's crazy how much it changes the look and feel of the room. And, might I add, it is SO nice to be able to have a place to sit. We've lived in this home for 4 months without a couch and even the past years we've only had our futon really. It's our first couch we have ever bought since being married. It feels good that everything in this home is OURS. This house is slowly but surely turning into a home. 

Hanging out on our new couch!

Caleb has mainly just been working a lot. I feel like he just isn't home a lot. It sucks to be honest. I miss my husband! So does Kinley. If she gets to see him during the day, she is so happy! If he is home, he is doing something with the house or yard work (there is a lot that we have to do) or something that way. So there really hasn't been any time to just hang out. He's a trooper! 

I have just been chilling at home taking care of Kinley. I've actually felt quite awful the last few weeks. I have mentioned a few times over the years how my stomach has given me troubles. Those troubles have yet to ease up and the past few weeks have been quite miserable. It's made it so I haven't really been able to leave the house. I don't know if it's food allergies, hormones, something more like chrons even, or gall bladder issues or what. No clue. It's been depressing and it's hard to feel sick every day all day and not have it go away and still try to be a wife and mom. I am eating healthy, and taking care of myself otherwise so who knows. I think I may start trying out different elimination diets and see if maybe it's being caused from a food allergy or something. I think the first one I may try to eliminate is dairy since that one is more doable to begin with and just see. I guess we will see and I am praying for a miracle!

Kinley is doing great! After once again playing phone tag for the past MONTH trying to get all the blood test results back, we FINALLY have them all back. 2 out of 3 are still considered high. They said her results are borderline with us needing to meet with the Metabolic Genetisis. It may be something that our Neurologist can just monitor, it may not. We should know next week when our Neurologist is back in the office. So, we still are just playing the waiting game on what we need to do. As far as her seizures, she has done great! She is still taking two different medications a day and it is getting easier to make the one, and she is taking them both better than she previously had. We're getting it down. She is getting quite the personality and is getting sassier as time goes on. She's still such a sweet little thing and I seriously could not imagine my life without her. She makes me so happy and I look forward to every new day I get to spend with her. 

She currently has been doing this concerned scowly face and it cracks us all up.

Libbie has also been good. She drives me about nuts most days. She likes to be wherever Kinley is at and gets very concerned if Kinley cries. She gets jealous and super whimpery if Caleb holds Kinley. We are working on training her to pipe down some. Kinley LOVES Libbie and watches her all day long and laughs at her a lot too. 

Memorial Day weekend

Memorial day weekend was pretty low key. Caleb has worked his tooshy off lately. He'll be getting like 40 hours of overtime this check. So, I feel like he has been gone pretty much the full past couple weeks. It sucks not having him with me for holidays and nights or whatever. 2 to 3 times a week he works his double shifts which are about 13-15 hour shifts. So, I wake up alone, and go to bed alone. I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner alone. Those days are especially long and I miss him like crazy. But, such as life. I'm grateful for how hard he works to provide for us. I'm also grateful that my family is close so that the days that Caleb is working allll day, that if I want too, I can head to my parents and have some company. So that's what ended up happening for Memorial day weekend. My sister came up from Utah and we had some other family in town. We spent the weekend outside, had a bbq, and just hung out with family. It was so nice to see my sister again. Here's a few pictures.