Cress Creek, Easter, and a bunch of randoms

I haven't blogged in a while so I have a million pictures and almost can't remember what happened before what. So, I will just post all the pictures in no particular order. :)

We headed up to Cress Creek to hike.

Here's a bunch of randoms

First little pedicure

Guh, guess who got the stomach flu again? Poor thing. 2nd time in 3 months. 3rd time in her 16 months of life. I don't know why she gets sick so much. It's exhausting! This time I found it was easiest to just sleep on the floor with her rather than try to clean up bed sheets all night. Stomach flu is the worst! THANKFULLY this go around was MUCH shorter and better than last time. It was still not fun and mostly a 24 hour bug and the puking was all within a 5 hour period instead of 3 days.

Kinley has been OBSESSED with shoes lately. She loves to wear any and all kinds all day. Such a girly girl.

Just playin some video games with dad haha

Seems accurate. haha

At it with the shoes again. These are her favorite of my shoes.

Sunday shows and snuggles

Oh hey, more shoes haha

Her bed head is too funny and it cracks me up every day. Such a little sass.

Post nap snuggles.

Just playing outside!

Yesterday we celebrated Easter at my parents. We had an Easter egg hunt for the cousins and then a nice Easter dinner. It was such a fun day and it was fun celebrating it with Kinley. Last years Easter was completely different and my head was not in a place where I even THOUGHT about the Easter bunny just because this was the time Kinley was so so sick with her seizures, so every day, we were all just trying to survive another day and doing our absolute best to get our Kinley better. Grateful this year I could celebrate doing the Easter bunny and enjoy the holiday :)

Ready to go out to their Easter egg hunt

Four wheeler rides with grandpa

The Easter bunny came!

The Easter bunny brought a few fun bath things

And she totally hates her dress. If only you could live this life being totally naked all the time haha

Trying out all her new things. She LOVED them.

As for other news.

Caleb had to go to Boise last weekend for a few days. I ended up staying back this time. It was the weekend Kinley had the stomach flu so it was good I could stay behind for her. I hate being home alone but I survived and thankfully Kinley got over her bug fairly fast. That weekend was also a family reunion on my mom's side. We did it early this year. They did the museum and chuck a rama. That morning, my family was out of power, so they came to my house to use the shower and get ready. I ended up just going to the lunch with my siblings because of trying to fit nap times and what not and it ended up working out well. Besides the Boise weekend, Caleb has been doing good. He is staying busy with work and things with that are going good. I'm so proud of him and how hard he works. The business is going great which is awesome.

I am also doing pretty good. I got to escape from Kinley for the 2nd time ever and do my 2nd session of my eyebrows. I am happy with them and have loved having eyebrows! haha. I mentioned in a previous post about getting help with my stomach issues and anxiety. I started the anxiety medication that night after seeing my doctor and lets just say it was absolutely awful to say the least. I have always been known as a light weight and I woke up a few hours after I took my first dose with some awful side effects. I basically passed out, was dry heaving, was SOAKED in sweat. Literally drenched in sweat. I could feel my heart in my toes, had the shakes, couldn't stand up because I was extremely dizzy, and was nauseous nauseous nauseous. It was awful. I stopped the medication and have felt fine since. I don't love medications for various reasons so I would like to try to avoid it if possible and am going to do the therapy route and see how I do. After talking with my sister and really thinking about the timeline of when my anxiety has gotten out of control bad, lines up with after I had Kinley. So I am now realizing (yes, a whole 16 months later) that it may actually be post partum anxiety. It has never been so bad. I had an anxiety attack the night Kinley had the flu and it was in full swing and lasted for 6 hours straight. I was able to sleep off and on in between Kinley puking, then woke up that morning with another one. So anyways. It's been a HUGE challenge for me and I am still in the process of getting help with that. I have my first appointment with a stomach doctor this week, so we will see how that goes. 

Kinley is doing great. Her sleep is I would say over all getting somewhat better. But she still gets up a couple times a night and is up anywhere from 5 to 6 30 for the day with going to sleep between 7 40 ish to 8. It's still hard but I have gotten lucky and have had some random nights that she does really well. Even now, getting up twice is such a breeze compared to what it's been like in the past. So, really, no complaints here. I feel like she has really grown up like overnight. She is saying words and seems to really understand a lot now. She has quite the attitude and usually throws a huge fit if she doesn't get what she wants. She can also be stinkin funny. She has me and Caleb laughing all the time. She still only has 5 teeth. 2 on the bottom with 3 on the top with her 4th that should be coming in soon. Crazy that she'll be 17 months next week! My baby is not a baby any more. She is currently OBSESSED with Elmo, Caillou, shoes, being naked, her belly button, and outside. She keeps me busy but so happy!

As for us as a family, we have started working on our yard for the summer. we didn't do much to our yard last year where we had recently moved in and were trying to get settled with everything else. But our goal this year is to fix up our yard to how we want it and make it look nice. We will be filling holes, planting grass in areas, and re landscaping the front of our house to make it look better. I'm excited! I grew up hating yard work but where it's my yard I think I might actually like it. 

One year ago--Kinley's epilepsy

It was about this time 1 year ago that I started having knots in my stomach, and a feeling I couldn't shake for 3 solid days and not being able to figure out why. I remember I was holding Kinley, sitting in our recliner, our only chair at the time since we had just moved into our new house, and talking with my dad. We had carpet layers over re laying carpet in our closet since they had messed up the first time. Kinley woke up from her nap in my arms and did the weirdest thing, which I now know was an aura/ partial complex seizure. I remember watching that, and thinking, "what in the heck just happened?" Even dad said, "hmm...she must just be really tired." It was super odd and I can still to this day remember the knots in my stomach and how off and not right it felt. That was Kinley's very first seizure and also the beginning to a very, scary, awful time in our lives.

I've had a lot of emotions run through me this month just because last year this month started a year of a very scary, emotional, hard year. Loooots of sad and scary memories. The COUNTLESS seizures I had witnessed. Most of them at home because I was too terrified to leave the house, but the ones I did experience outside of my home, sometimes alone, anywhere from at the grocery store, the restaurant, my parents home, the car, hotels, and the hospital. The emotions we went through, the sleepless nights. And when I say sleepless, I mean completely sleepless nights.

I counted it up once since I had tracked every one of Kinley's seizures. I believe she had 44 grand mal seizures in 26 days. Her most reached 8 grand mals and I want to say probably AT LEAST 4 partial complex seizures in a 24 hour time period, and probably well over 100 aura's/ partial complex seizures in about a 2.5 month time span. And, I witnessed every. single. one of them. So realistically, she probably had about 200 seizures in a 2.5 month time span. That's why I say, to me, it is seriously a miracle she is alive and still thriving.

I look back now and wonder why we did or didn't do certain things. I don't know why we never took her to the ER with her first seizure. You talk to any other parent and that's their first instinct. It wasn't mine. I took her to 3 different pediatricians instead. I truly am one that feels everything happens for a reason and I think that there is a reason we took her to 3 different pediatricians instead of the ER. There's a reason we ended up at Primary Children's instead of seeing the only pediatric neurologist here. There's a reason I woke up earlier than her the one day she had her first big seizure. I think everything happened the way it was supposed too.

I had a few different people at the time tell me that I should try to look for the blessings in this trial. At the time, I was kind of annoyed and a little angry because that's not what I wanted to hear. All year long I have come back to asking myself this and still not being able to figure out what blessing came from it. I mean, I already had a soft heart toward people, especially children with medical conditions. I felt like going through the trial of infertility had opened my eyes to things more than anything. I knew doctors, anxiety, I knew how bad things could suck. I could imagine how uncomfortable hospital stays were. How hard it was for families to be separated while one deals with a sick child and the other still has to work to bring in an income. I knew all of this. It wasn't until a conversation I had with Caleb a few days ago that I finally figured out what blessings came from such a hard trial. Me and Caleb both feel that we truly would not be where we are today had we not gone through such a hard trial. And FINALLY figuring out maybe WHY god gave us this trial has given me some relief.

It's been an emotional and hard year for Kinley and both Caleb and I. I never pictured before having kids, that I would have to witness what I have witnessed, that I would have to put my baby through what she has gone through. And that literally hurts my heart having to watch her go through it. I hope and pray more than anything that this is something she can grow out of. That the blood draws, medication and tests can come to an end, that the bad memories and anxiety from witnessing things will at least fade.

I wish I could have enjoyed those months more with Kinley instead of living in complete fear. I often feel robbed of such a special time because babies grow SO so fast and I feel like I missed out on Kinley's 4th, and 5th month of life. She literally just slept and layed there those 2 months. She was so sick. I see other people post about their babies and what they did or are doing at that stage and I do wonder what Kinley would have been like had she not been seizing so much.

I had never relied on the Lord more than during that time. I went off promptings of the spirit, relied heavily on priesthood blessings, and support from our families. It was a testimony strengthening experience.

Overall, Kinley is doing excellent. I cherish my time with her more than anything. Especially because I have seen just how quickly something so good can turn to so bad. I look forward to a happy and bright future with my girl. She makes me genuinely happy, my heart happy, my life exciting and bright. I could not imagine life without her. Me and Caleb are so blessed to have such an amazing and hilarious girl.

We love you Kinley. It's been a year, and we all think this next year fighting this will go much smoother. We love you Kinner bug!

This was the day she had a seizure at the restaurant, then home, then in the car when we headed to Primary Children's. I ended up getting rid of this outfit. It brought back too many bad memories.

Our first stay there.

An occasional grin made us so happy!

The cutest little doll, even hooked up to all the wires.

2nd hospital stay

She was very sick at this time

We did not move from this chair for the entire time. I held her and snuggled her all day and all night.

Doing amazing and so happy with life!

Finally getting help

Normally I wouldn't blog about some super personal trials, but because this one has been SUCH a huge part of my life, I want to document it. And like I've said before, this blog is for me. It's basically my journal. I enjoy looking back and reading everything about my life. The good, the bad, thoughts, feelings, experiences, just all of it.

So, a little back history. I developed stomach issues a little over 5 years ago. It started in hair school. I have dealt with this the entire 5 years and still do to this date. It has honestly impacted my life in a negative way and I have had to learn how to deal with this issue and still live my life the best I can. Shortly after the stomach issues started, I then developed anxiety which has over time increased to SEVERE anxiety and ocd. Because of the two combined, I have had an extremely hard time living my life to the fullest, especially compared to how I used too. There have been SO many experiences with my stomach that were horrible that left me in embarrassment, frustration, tears, anger, and pain. I nearly lost a job over it, I lie my way out of more opportunities I can count, I've lost friends, avoided most situations, didn't accept or take up offers that were given to me, and has left me often feeling like most people just get annoyed with me because I whine a lot, and always make up a reason to get out of any situation, especially if it involves social interaction or food. Because of these trials, I have turned into a home body that simply enjoys being home the most with my family. I used to be one that loved getting out and staying busy, having friends, traveling, exploring, working a lot, all of that. But now, the thought of ALL of those leaves me sick.

I could tell stories alllll day of bad experiences that my stomach has caused, or my anxiety, or even my ocd. But, that blog would be a million pages long. haha.

I finally pushed past the anxiety and saw my doctor. I am starting a couple different medications to hopefully help with the anxiety and ocd. If it doesn't help, or if I still would like, then I will go to therapy for some help. I think it could be very beneficial either way. Then, I will also be seeing a gi doctor for my stomach. I don't want to sound too negative but I'm not planning on really being able to get help for that. Just because every person I know with stomach issues has never been able to truly solve their issues. They may have found a certain diet or certain foods to avoid that may help, but I have yet to hear of any cure for someone that has stomach issues. If I can find that something even helps, then that is a positive, I'm just not planning on it being totally successful. I don't want to get my hopes up.

Anyway, I just kind of want to document this journey and see where it takes me in life. I hope in a positive way. I hope this medication works, I hope my new gi doctor is good, and I hope I can get SOME kind of answers as to why this is going on.

Fingers crossed for a positive future :)

Lab results, Boise, Tattoo'd eyebrows

Kinley's blood work came back and everything still looks good which is good. No dosage change this time which I think is the first time we have not had to adjust it since she was diagnosed with her epilepsy. So, that's all good!

Last weekend, we went to Boise for a quick trip. Caleb had a couple meetings for his work so me and Kinley tagged along. We just hung out at the hotel since it was a quick trip.

Kinley surprisingly did really good for the car ride both there and back. We had elmo and caillou set up on our kindle and it kept her occupied for a while. She took good naps there and back too. The car is the only place she will sleep pretty well for her naps so that is a plus when it comes to traveling. Sleep, snacks, Caillou, what more could someone want? ha

Caleb's meetings went well which is always good. He didn't get back till almost 11 the first night and then was up and at it again that morning.

Since Caleb had to leave that morning, I was still using things from all of our bags which meant it was up to me to check out of the hotel alone. I have done this multiple times before but it was before we had Kinley. I was nervous I was going to really struggle getting our crap down to the car with one hand while holding Kinley in the other. Thankfully, she sat here on the cart the way down to the car and it ended up being a piece of cake. haha She kept going "eeeee!". That's weeeee to us haha

The day after we got back from Boise, I had an appointment to get my eyebrows tattoo'd on. I was seriously SO nervous. I had heard from quite a few people that the pain was really intense, and this also was the VERY FIRST time I had EVER left my Kinley. EVER. I was having a crap ton of anxiety about it even though Caleb was the one staying home with Kinley which I was grateful for. I probably wouldn't have done it if it weren't him tending her. Anyway, Caleb and Kinley did fine, which I knew they would. He even got her to sleep for a nap which was the first time he's ever been able to do that. As far as my eyebrows went, it went good! The pain was so little and was a piece of cake. I am SO happy I did them. I have wanted them done for about 5 years now. I remember a few years back when I was determined to start losing weight, I had made myself a weight loss chart to help me stay on track. At the end up of the chart I made, if I had lost x amount of weight I was going to buy myself a pair of white pants. I remember that I REALLY wanted a pair and that's how I was going to reward myself. I was showing Caleb my chart and he told me I should do a bigger reward so it was more motivating because in the end, I probably would have just bought me the white pants because they weren't that much. I remember thinking, "yeah, he's totally right." So I switched the white pants to tattoo'd eyebrows. And now that I have reached my goal, I FINALLY got my eyebrows done. It was expensive but I also don't feel too bad just because I worked and still work hard to maintain my weight, I don't go get my hair done each month, or my nails, lashes, anything I would love to actually do. I cut and color my hair myself. So, I felt like this is the first thing I have done for myself in a very long long time. 

Here's a before and after. I ended up doing a combination brow which is both soft tap and microblading. I have always been super self conscious of my brows and have often been teased about them. I had no clue what I was doing when I was like, idk, 12 or something and plucked them WAY too thin and then they never grew back. Even before I plucked them, I never ever had a nice set of brows. I had to draw them in every day and it was such a frustrating thing to me. I am so glad I got them tattoo'd on. This is obviously the first session. They're kinda scary right now just because they are still really dark and they're all scabbed up and still in the healing process. I am super excited for the 2nd session here in about a month to make any small changes I want and to perfect the color. I'm gonna have her go slightly closer together and maybe a hair thicker. We'll see once they're completely healed and how they look.

My Kinler babe

Kinley had to get another blood draw for her epilepsy the other day and it was again not the best experience. I think we will be trying a different lab and hoping for a better experience...as good as it can get anyways. The one lady we keep getting who I believe is kind of head of the lab has just not done good. She can NEVER get the vein and it ends up being someone else to come try. She's kind of rude and is the old hag I've talked about previously. If we could get it done at Primary's each time, that would be great because they have always done the best. Anyway, we are waiting for results with that. I feel bad complaining about Kinley and all she has to go through because of her epilepsy because I know there are babies and children out there that have it much, much worse. But, I don't feel like this has been an easy road for us either and although it has gotten TONS better, everything from the seizures themselves, fighting her to take her medicine daily, constant dosage changes, the many blood draws, traveling, doctors appointments, phone calls back and forth from primary's, anxiety and everything, it is still something we battle and is always something we will have buzzing in the back of our minds. I feel like I have always been a sympathetic person, but this trial has opened my eyes even more of how you seriously just don't take life for granted. My heart aches for people with health problems, especially babies and children, along with the parents of those children. It is a very time consuming, constant issue, and very hard on parents to watch and not be able to take it away from their babies. Kinley has taught me just small things with this trial as well. It has brought me and Caleb closer together and has had us rely on the Lord more than I ever have for anything else in my life.

Pokes in each arm with lots of prodding in each. Fed her her favorite dinner and she was fine once we got home.

Kinley has been SO much fun lately. She is just about 15 months and is starting to jabber and tries to say words. It's the cutest thing. She ADORES Caleb and he can make her laugh more than anyone. Melts this mama's heart into a giant puddle each time. I have some funny videos of her but not sure how to upload them to here. This last week was the first week of her being alive that she has slept well! I almost don't want to talk about it because I'm afraid I will jinx it. haha! We are up early at 5:30 or 6 am with maybe only 1 time of getting up in the night. But, it has been wonderful and I can't believe how much better I feel with some sleep in my body! I am really hoping it continues. She still only takes her one nap a day for 30 min. She is obsessed with both Elmo and Caillou and will park her cute little bum inches from the tv and be glued. I'm sure some mom's will think that's a waste of time, but it's the only way I can get something done or have a little quiet time. She gave me and Caleb a scare last night and legitimately had choked on her dinner. After giving her a second to see if she could work it out herself and quickly realizing how serious it was, I quickly pulled her out of her high chair. We were pounding on her back trying to get it to come up and it wasn't. She kept trying to throw up but couldn't. She turned blue and I was seriously panicking at this point. I stuck my entire finger down her throat to get that food out. Still couldn't get it and It must have finally gone down because it never came up. I've never wanted someone to puke so bad before. It was awful and actually very very scary. It probably lasted a good 2 to 3 min. Way too long. I was glad Caleb was there by me. She barely had her first top tooth pop through a few weeks ago and then like a day ago her 2nd top tooth barely popped through. So she really only has her 2 bottom teeth that are actually big enough to chew. So it will be nice when she gets more teeth and can chew her food better. Life is so fun with her. I love having it be just me, her, and Caleb. Anyways. Here are a few pictures.

This Sunday, she just layed on me forever. We all just watched shows, cuddled, and napped. It was great!

One of the days it was actually nice here, I took her outside to play for the first time this year and she LOVED it. I have a feeling this summer we will be spending a ton of time playing outside.

Official weight loss post

Well, I did it! I have officially hit my goal of losing about 75 pounds! I never thought I would get to this point but I now have and I couldn't be more excited. It's crazy looking back now and realizing just how bad my eating habits used to be. I am no health nut now by any means, but I do eat way less, and less crap for sure. I try to work out almost every day. Some weeks are better than others but I do try to get some sort of physical activity in. I have cut out eating out almost completely which at the beginning was VERY, very hard for me. I used to eat fast food almost daily before. Not good, I know. I don't drink neeeaaar the soda, candy, sugar, or junk food that I used too, I have limited my pasta and breads, eaten smaller portions, upped my water intake, and overall just tried to eat better. It is crazy the difference. I remember things that just made me feel frustrated or insecure. Little things like sitting on the floor was something I really almost couldn't do. I NEVER was able to find clothes when I'd go shopping...seriously it was so so depressing. Being almost double the size of my husband was something that to me was very hard. I know he's just a little guy, but every picture I had I was literally almost double the size of him and I didn't want to be one of those couples. I was constantly cropping out our bodies and only doing head shots and even then I was just frustrated with each picture. Basically feeling like I needed suspenders or something to keep my pants up. I had a gut that would push down my pants and I was CONSTANTLY pulling up my pants or just holding them up by holding onto my belt loops the entire time I would walk. I remember sitting on a hard chair at church and seriously thinking, "my gosh these are incredibly uncomfortable". Well, now, I just realized it was because I couldn't fit well on the chair. I used to no longer be able to cross my legs when I sat down. Having to wear every pair of jeans unbuttoned constantly or even unzipped if I was sitting. Huffing and puffing while trying to tie my shoes or bend over for anything. Going snowboarding and seriously almost not being able to get my boot strapped into the binding because my gut was in the way. I would always have to flip to my toes to get up because I was too big to pull myself up. Going to the doctor being told I most likely had diabetes and that I needed to loose weight. Those are just some of the main things I remember that were big challenges for me at the time and I did NOT want to live my life like that any longer. I wanted to be healthy, happy, and be able to be comfortable and move and live a healthy life. Since losing the weight, I can do everything opposite of what I just wrote and it feels amazing. I can run and jump, sit on the floor (actually, I prefer it), take a picture with my husband and feel ok about it, put on a pair of jeans and button them up, find clothes when I go shopping, cross my legs, sit on a hard chair, tie my shoes, just THINGS that make me feel alive! I KNOW I am healthier and to me, that is the most important. I want to be able to raise my family in a healthy house and have my children know how important it is to take care of your body. Anyway, here is a before and after picture to show the difference!

Left--203 lbs.               Right--128-130 lbs.

More sickness, Valentines day, and random updates

So basically all of January was awful to say the least. It was one sickness on top of the other. Just after both me and Kinley got over the stomach flu, Caleb got a cold for the week. Then I came down with I think was a sinus infection and it knocked me to my butt. I felt like crap. Before I could get over what I had, Kinley then got sick. She wasn't perking up and on the 6th day she got really bad really fast. I ended up taking her to the doctor and kick myself in the pants wishing I had done so earlier, but we found out there that she indeed had RSV. She was miserable. Lethargic. She had thrown up 2 to 4 time a day and night from coughing so hard and I had done ALL I could do. Coughs are the WORST. No sleep (that's nothing new, but we're talkin NO sleep) due to the coughing. I would hold her in my recliner on my chest so that she was propped up and if she fell asleep I usually ended up just trying to somewhat rest in the recliner until she had another cough fit. The worst of it was about 2 weeks and although she's basically over it, she still will randomly have cough fits and you can still hear the junk in her lungs. She puked the other night from coughing so hard. The doctor did say that it'll linger for weeks. So, it's been just very wearing. 

Miserable. She fell asleep on me at the doctors which is SOO not her. 

If she was asleep basically sitting up and somewhat on top of me, I wouldn't move. She needed sleep so bad and if this was the best way she could without coughing for 5 min, then that's what would end up happening. 

As awful as it is with having a sick kido, the snuggles are wonderful!

Valentines this year was basically another day. We really aren't big on the holiday and usually keep it very simple. I made Caleb a heart shaped rice krispie treat (so easy, and one of his favorites) and one of his favorite dinners--lasagna. We were gonna go out to dinner the next day but then just wasn't feeling it. haha. We are kinda lame, we know. But we both just don't really care. He's my valentine every day and I love his stinkin guts. I prefer to celebrate love day, everyday.

My sister Kristie went to the Valentines dance and I got to do her hair. She loved it, and I thought it turned out very pretty. 

And now for pictures. They're random and not in order, but it's what we're up too. Again, mostly all of Kinley because she's my life!

 Kinley loves her new cousin Audrey

Kinley and her cousins playing in grandma's cupboard. I have pictures of me when I was a little girl playing in the same cupboard.

If she hears the dryer door open, she swoops in and climbs in every time haha

I find her here ALL the time.

Just watching dad shovel snow.

Dad and his girls

I'll find her feeding her baby every now and again.

I don't think I mentioned it, but my sister and her family has moved back from Logan and I am SO excited. Last year was very hard having her be gone. 

ALWAYS pulls out my shoes and plays with them but for some reason, these boots are her favorite.

Kinley loves playing with my phone and I found a selfie of her the other day and had a good laugh. 

More cousin loves

Just bein cute

I made a new wreath for our front door and also pulled out my vinyl cutter and made the c, s, and &, then painted the wooden frames and hung them above our bed. 

As for other news, Caleb and his job is just doing amazing. We have seen such great things happen since he's become an owner and we feel very blessed because of it. He stays busy with work, but doesn't have to work 60 hours a week so we can make it by and it's been wonderful.

I am doing pretty good. I'll admit that I've got the seasonal blues if you will. Between the weather, not being able to get outside, and all the sickness I've dealt with, I am MORE than ready for spring and some sunshine. I did book myself an appointment to get my eyebrows tattoo'd on and I am excited/nervous, but can't wait to make my awful brows amazing haha

Kinley, besides being sick, and trying to cut teeth, she's doing good. She has to get more bloodwork done next week which we all are dreading but know it has to be done. She's growing like a weed and is somewhat starting to say words. She can so far say Elmo (ahmo) and Juice (juju). She is OBSESSED with Elmo and Caillou. She still doesn't sleep good for me and usually after hours of fighting it every night, she typically ends up in our bed so I can get some sleep. She's still usually up every hour to 3 depending on the night. There was 2 nights in a row she slept till 6 am. I woke up in a panic and thought she had died because it was so odd. haha but man, those 2 nights were what I needed to help me not lose my mind haha. 

Libbie is good too. She only likes Kinley if Kinley gives her food, otherwise, she really isn't a fan. haha. She stays by Caleb most the time. 

We go to Boise for Caleb's work in 1.5 weeks so I'm praying we all stay well and healthy for that.