lately

Here's whats been going down lately. For caleb, all he's done is work his little hiney off. he works like 6 days a week. We are trying to get money for him to get through some school. he's gettin pretty tired of it but he doesnt hate it either. hes such a trooper. as for me....bit of a different story. and i know i get on here and complain about my life but i seriously feel like i have been stuck in life and its just not getting better. im hit with bad news...and as soon as im getting over it im hit with more bad news...so...ill just vent my little heart out for a minute...i dont blame you if you stop reading. do whatever. ha anyways. first off, i got sick like a month ago...and thats when the rumors of me being prego came about. which really ticked me off because that is nobodys business. who asks people if their pregnant? kinda rude i think. anyways. I missed like 6 days of school which is a big no no. i went to the doctor...they drew some blood...everythings normal...after two weeks or so i finally started feeling somewhat back to normal. but then about 2 times a week it'd hit me again and its still continuing. i havent been able to keep much food down and i have to be so careful of what i eat or i will pay for it later at school. sorry bout the tmi. but because of this i have lost 9 pounds. which im not at all comlaining about but this isnt normal for me. anybody that truely knows me knows that i really struggle with losing weight...in fact...im one that eats an apple and gains 3 pounds. so losing 9 pounds in the last month is crazy. so i now think i have linked some of it to my stress and anxiety. any suggestions on my weird bug let me know. and then for school....im gonna flat out say it. i hate school. i love cutting hair...but i hate school. it is hard. i usually have a good breakdown at least twice a week. at school we have 4 grades. theory, attendance, services, personal. and i was a bit nervous about being pulled aside because i knew that my tests have struggled from the very begining. always have struggled with them. but when i was pulled aside i was getting A's in all three but theory, which is the tests. and that one was a big fat F. go figure. but because of this i lost my grant for school. yep. all $5,800 of it. and if i fail this quarter of tests im kicked out of school. not gonna lie...i lost it..at school. seriously? why cant i be smart enough to even just get by. and if i dont get through beauty school then theres not a lot of hope for schooling for me. so guys. pray i can beat the quarter and that somehow i can win the lottery or somethin to help me pay for my school. Its so unbelievably frustrating. and now to my jaw. i learned a while ago that i have TMJ in my jaw. long story short, it pops and locks EVERY single time i open my mouth. ive tried everything they told me to do to help it and nothing has helped. no money for surgery for it. so i deal with it. so if you wonder why i opened my mouth to stuff in my sandwich and wondered why half of it was left on my face?...well, now you know why...its bcause it wont open big enough to get it in. Its now becoming painful and super frustrating. quick story...i was at the doctors and they were lookin in my throat. The doc said "open big", i open up and he's got his little light thingy, he kinda pauses and looks at me and says, "open REAL big" and i couldnt help but laugh because i told him i had TMJ and that its as far as my jaw will allow me to open my mouth. and all he said was " well, i cant really see in there, and i guess if your throat isnt bugging you we'll just move on" haha its funny now that i look back but yet so annoying. here's another. My brother and sister in law are in DC area and Caleb, his mom, sister and her husband are going to visit them and their new baby in august. and guess whos in school and doesnt get to go. ME. so frustrated. i would absolutelt LOVE to go to DC especially with my husband. when else would i go there...probably never. AND Caleb will then have riden a plane and i will have NOT. i always thought we would take a plane ride for the first time together and now thats out of the picture. im so happy for them to go but it seriously blows that i cant miss more school and wont be able to. and now onto work. just adds more to my life that i wish i didnt have right now. school full time and work part time is pushing me to my limits. i think i just need a break. a time to collect myself, and spend some time with Caleb. ok...those are the biggest things. now im done venting. onto happy things. im greatful for my mom who is always willing to let me talk on the phone with her and vent to her. im greatful for the schooling i have even though its hard sometimes. im greatful for the job i have and the income i get from it. im greatful for my dog Libbie that makes me laugh every single day because of her querky personality. im happy that its becoming warm and sunny outside because it sure does put me in a better mood. im greatful for the old ladies who sit in my chair at school and talk your ear off. and most importantly, im so thankful for Caleb. He has been there for me a 110% . He's so supportive and makes me laugh which helps me so much. Now to make me extra happy would to go camping or something. ive been itchin to go! anyways. sorry bout my complaining. i promise my next post will be a good one.