Christmas 2014

Christmas this year was a good one. I know sometimes it's so easy to think about what we don't have this year or how goals weren't met or how plans don't go as you thought. For me personally, this year we were REALLY hoping to get a sweet bundle of joy. Around the holidays going through infertility seem to be hardest of times. I would be lying if I said that it doesn't make my heart hurt knowing we don't have a sweet babe to snuggle with this Christmas, but at the same time, I did not want this to be the reason my holiday was ruined. I thought about it often but tried to think of the reasons I am blessed and what I have now. So today, I tried to put to the side of what I don't have and see what I do have this Christmas. Besides, we all know that Christmas is about the birth of our Savior, giving, and being grateful.

So, to start of this holiday season, we started out by going to Caleb's grandmas house Christmas Eve morning for a brunch and party with the Niederer family. We had a big brunch, played bingo, chatted and hung out. Then later that evening we headed over to my families house for a Christmas Eve dinner and party/get together..whatever you wanna call it. 

Little Kash man. Cute as can be!

After the party, we headed home. Me and Caleb pretty much hung out for the rest of the night. 

I love him so so much! Who doesn't like smooches by the Christmas tree late at night? ;)

Christmas day, we slept in..sorta. My alarm still had to wake me up at 9. haha We got ready and I had Caleb open his gifts. Long story short, we didn't do much for Christmas this year. We have gotten ourselves a lot this year and I had just bought a really nice flat iron that was counted as my Christmas present. Caleb was going to order himself a new computer case a couple weeks ago, but when he went to order it, they were out of stock till Jan. So I felt bad that he didn't have anything for Christmas day. So without him knowing, I went out and picked him up a few things. He still plans on getting his case but that wont be for a few weeks.

I ended up getting him a new hoodie, a circular rubics cube, a couple of metal mind puzzle link game things, some new socks, a nerf basketball hoop (as an inside joke) and a few treats. And let me just say..that hoodie on him.....mmm ;) ;)

We also got Libbie a couple of new toys as well. She totally loves them and brings us them all the time to play. After our little Christmas, we headed out to stop by Caleb's parents, then off to my parent's. When we stepped outside we were surprised to see as much snow as we did! Remember how we live in a basement? We can't really see outside and our blinds are always shut since people are outside all the time. So we don't really know what the weather is like unless we go outside. So yes, where my house is, there was probably a good 7 or 8 inches of new snow. Some areas more and some less since it was SO windy. So all you people that wished for a white Christmas, I'd say you got your wish. 

From Caleb's mom, she always like to get Caleb a funny cheap gift that just makes us all laugh. This year...

hahahaha we were dying.

Then to my parent's we went. Here's some pics. 

Baby Kash

The nephews and my sister.

Opening presents. We both ended up with NICE slippers, a gift card to Edwards theater, and a pots and pans set that was MUCHLY needed. Thank you mom, dad,Tyson, Andrea and Arlen.

Just chillin in a box :)

Helping grandma open her present.

And just us. :) 

All day today I couldn't help but be so grateful for my family (both sides) and especially Caleb. This is mine and Caleb's 6th Christmas spent together, 5 being married. Even though we don't have a little one to hold this year, I am seriously TRULY blessed to spend yet another Christmas with Caleb. I am grateful, and I am blessed. Merry Christmas!

Just a little update

Here is what we have been up to...

Christmas is around the corner and we are close to ready. We finally got a skiff of snow yesterday so it makes it feel a little more cozy holiday like. I got my Christmas cards done, most of my shopping done (I didn't have a ton to do, thank goodness), house is cleaned with holiday scented candles burning, and I'd say that we are as ready as we are gonna get!

So this is super random but I found these two websites that have CHEAP stuff. So I nervously ordered from each site and was SO pleased! I can't stop bragging about these boots I ordered! I have never found any boots that I just love, so I have never owned any till I found these. I like them both so much that I want to order them both in black.

These cute things were only $9 bucks! I know a girl that ordered these off a different website for $50 bucks. I'd say I got the deal. SO CUTE.

And I freaking LOVE these. So so cute. These were only $10 bucks. And these especially I want in black. Why not, only 10 dollars right? two pairs of good quality boots for 20 bucks?! heck ya! They're pretty comfy too!

December 10th was my dad's birthday. All of the family surprised him and met up at the new Stoplight pizza in Ririe. We had all heard good things about it so we wanted to try out this pizza place that is located in the sketchiest town ever. haha There was a total of 9 plus two babies and we only had to order 1 pizza and didn't even finish it. They have this HUGE pizza there that is 22lbs. BIGGEST PIZZA EVER. Most everyone liked it. I personally am a Little Caesars fan. I don't think anything can beat that. haha

Here's a picture of my brother to show how monstrous that thing is. 

Pictures never do it justice. Happy 29th? right? yeah we'll go 29 years old :/ dad! :) haha

I had a Saturday off, so I ended up at my parents house since Caleb had to work. All the family was there except Caleb (which totally sucks btw. He's ALWAYS working. Thank goodness for Christmas coming up so we can have a couple days off :)) We just hung around the house all day and enjoyed each others company.

Me and my cute lil nephew looking at the Christmas tree. This boy is SUCH a ham. SO funny and he's at such a funny stage. I love these tender moments.

Last night we went to Caleb's work Christmas party. It turned out to be a lot of fun! I seriously miss working at Big Juds. It's fun to meet up with people I used to work with and also meet the new people that work there. It's such a fun atmosphere and everyone is pretty chill, easygoing, and funny! I miss that all SO much! Such good memories were made at Big Juds. The party consisted of lots of food, white elephant gift exchange where we ended up with a bag of candy and Kung Fu Panda 2, and a couple of hillarious games. Everyone was crying laughing tears. By the end of the night, my stomach, and cheeks hurt from laughing so hard. We ended up staying till 10 when we were there at 5. haha Good times! 

And lastly, me and Caleb had another appointment with our fertility doctor today. Heads up, personal baby makin talk about to happen. I'm a blunt one when it comes to mentioning things that most people would keep to themselves. I'm not ashamed of saying what I need to. haha So, here is how it went down. Caleb had a semen analysis test done 3 weeks ago and I had blood work done on day 3 of my last cycle to check my ovarian assessment report. Mine came back good. Which is good, which means I'm ovulating. Caleb's came back as normal count but morphality wasn't good. The doctor said that 40% infertility is because of male factor infertility. So with me having edometriosis and Caleb's sperm not being to do what it needs to, it was a double whammy. So for treatment, we are going to do IUI (intrauterine insemination). I had to order a specific fertility vitamin for Caleb that should help with the morphality. He also just has to be on a multivitamin. For me, I have to start prenatal vitamins, folic acid pills (which I've been taking both), and a fertility drug called clomid. I will take the clomid days 3-7 of my next cycle, then take opk tests. Wait for a positive. Once I get the positive, I call to get the IUI done 14 to 26 hrs after the positive opk test. Then wait for 2 weeks to test or get positive blood work. If it's not positive, we start over for the next cycle. We can do this 3-6 cycles. If they all fail, then I will head to Utah to a reproductive specialist. And that's where the big stuff happens like IVF or adoption. I'm hoping it doesn't get to that point. I don't even want to have to think about that. So I am PRAYYYYINNGG that one of these IUI cycles work. I don't really know what to feel to be honest. I left the office today with not a whole lot of hope. I'm just scared more than anything. I'm nervous for the clomid and the side effects. I have yet to hear a story where it didn't affect someone. And I've also heard that the side affects can be brutal. I'm nervous for the procedure, and I'm terrified that the IUI's don't work. I'm trying to stay positive about this whole situation but good grief it's so hard to do sometimes. ESPECIALLY around the holidays. I have read and reread my patriarchal blessing and there is a sentence in it that makes me scared I may not ever get to be a mom. I guess only time will tell. I did join a support group and that has helped me more than I thought it would. It's definitely been a good thing. As for now, I am going to try my very hardest to stay positive, enjoy the holidays with my sweet love Caleb, enjoy the rest of this year just us, and just take the next cycle and new year one day at a time and hope for the best. Bring it on. 

Christmas pictures and baby thoughts

I know, I know. MORE pictures. ;) I'm sure you'll survive. So today me and Caleb picked up my sister Kristie and drove down to the Green Belt and got some Christmas pictures done.

The Green Belt is SO pretty. It has the Idaho Falls temple in the background and has ducks floating all over. Its seriously gorgeous. It also brings back fun memories for me and Caleb. When we were dating, we often came here and would either ripstick, or walk around the whole green belt. It's a 4.5 mile loop. So decent size, and we would go around the whole thing. We had SO many good conversations there.

Anyways, like all my other pictures, they're nothing professional because I have yet to get a nice camera and actually know how to edit the correct way. I can't complain though, because for pictures taken on my phone, they aren't that bad of quality. They'll do for now until I get a nice camera, or pay someone for pictures. haha and also, side note..people keep tellin me we need to switch up our outfits because we always wear the same colors. I am fully aware. I do it for a bunch of reasons...1. Black and grey I think look the nicest color on anyone, and especially nice in pictures. 2. I can only wear black, white and grey to work so when I go shopping, it's usually items of those colors. 3. I have looked for certain items of a certain color and never found anything I loved. 4. It was kind of a crunch getting these pictures taken in a busy month on a day with decent weather, so I didn't have much time to look for matching clothes. and 5. These are for Christmas cards...so why not wear red? Sorry little rant there. But who cares what we wear? They're my pictures, I'll wear what I want. Anywho..

One of my favorites.

I waited for like 2 weeks to see if we would get snow for these pictures but It's not lookin like there will be snow anytime soon so I just got them done. Today was in the 40s...still freezing but not cold enough for snow. Maybe next year. 

And another random personal side note...babies. Taking these pictures today was a lot of fun but also kinda brings a sting to my heart. I remember thinking last year when we sent out Christmas cards that I could not WAIT till next years Christmas cards because there would most likely be a baby in the photo. Family and friends that knew our circumstances would say they couldn't wait to see a family of 3 in the picture...or 4 including our dog. Things definitely have not gone as planned and it's yet another Christmas card without a baby. I mentioned in a previous post how holidays with infertility seem to be one of the hardest times. I'm not exactly sure why, but I remember thinking last year, that this year I would have a baby to hold around the Christmas tree and have a little human to spoil for Christmas. I'm trying my hardest to not let the holidays get me down because they can also be the absolute best times of the whole year. Even though things aren't how I thought they would be, I am truly, truly grateful that I get to spend another Christmas with Caleb. This will be our 6th Christmas together. And for that I am blessed. :)