It happened again

My last post, I told how Kinley had a scare. After seeing the doctor that day I felt reassured. She had another mild episode on Saturday and then on Tuesday night, Kinley was asleep in her swing. I was video chatting with my sister and doing our nightly workout together. I turned around to check on Kinley and she was doing another big episode. Again, it looked like a seizure. Whether or not that's what they are, it's terrifying to watch and have no idea what to do in the midst of it happening. It was very similar to the one she had had on the Friday before. This time I noticed her eyeballs were actually looking very far up and to the left, along with the rythmatic eyelid and mouth twitching. She was completely unresponsive and her body seemed limp. It lasted again probably 30-45 ish seconds. Once it was over, a few seconds later, she gave me a smile and kind of went about her normal self.  I picked her up and texted Caleb at work and told him it happened again. I talked to my mom and again just cried to her because it's scary to watch and I just wasn't convinced with what the doctor told us on Friday. Since it was after hours of the doctors being open, I decided to wait and call the next morning to get her in to another doctor for a second opinion. That night was horrible. Kinley slept just like her normal self and got up in the night when she usually does, but for me, I cannot sleep. I'm scared to go to sleep. I layed there awake most the night and kept using the light on my phone to check on my baby next to me. I was nervous something would happen while I slept. I was doing some research which I'm sure isn't the smartest thing, but still, everything I typed in kept bringing me to different seizure pages. I feel that's what they are, but then again, I am no doctor and am not sure. I was told by the doctor on Friday that they weren't seizures. But he hasn't seen the episodes so how would he really know? Anyway. That morning, I called the doctors office in hopes I could get in to see my original doctor. He wasn't in that day so they had me be seen by a doctor I hadn't seen yet. Caleb wasn't able to get out of work so I was on my own. Fast forward to her appointment. It did not go as planned. The doctor I saw was the WORST one I have ever seen. After like 5 minutes straight of me telling this fruitcake what was going on, showing him a video of a more mild episode I was able to catch on camera, he literally said NOTHING. Nothing! All he said was, "well, I'll have my nurse get you a paper of a referral to a pediatric neurologist." K, great. But what do YOU think about it? That's why I'm here. I'm here for a second opinion. I felt completely like he did not care one bit and was just pawning us off. The appointment only lasted like 7 min. No joke. He was a waste of my time, money, and I definitely do not want him seeing Kinley any more. So, I left frustrated because I got no where with that appointment. I called the neurologist and set up an appointment with him. When I got home, I was just looking up this neurologist doctor and trying to do a little research on him. Long story short, EVERY review was horrible on him. Horrible! Yeah I totally want to take my child to what I hear is NOT a good doctor. And from my understanding, he is the ONLY pediatric neurologist in the area unless we want to travel to SLC or Boise. It's frustrating. I wish this part of Idaho had better doctors in ALL fields. I feel like I have come across this issue more than once in my life and it's just frustrating. So after me and Caleb talked, the game plan is to make yet ANOTHER appointment but with OUR doctor. It'll be the third time we are seeing a doctor about this but we still would like another opinion on Kinley's case before we just jump into a neurologist and put Kinley through unnecessary tests. We are going to keep her neurologist appointment since it's like a month away. If our doctor feels we need to be seen, we may just switch and get a referral to a doctor in Salt Lake or Boise or something. That way we aren't wasting time, money, and can be seen by a great doctor. The traveling makes things way harder but way worth it if they're good. Anyway, that's the update on Kinley. If you are reading this, keep her in your prayers. It could be something, it could be nothing. I don't know. Until I know though, I probably will still be the worry-er I am, the sleep deprived mom, and the mom that holds my baby non stop because these moments are precious and scary things make you hold your littles good and tight.

Kinley's scare, 4 months, and Easter

Kinley turned 4 months old on Friday! We'll start with her scare. A few days prior to Friday, I noticed any time Kinley would wake up, she would make constant weird grunting noises, her eye lid would twitch, and her arms would kind of shake. It's hard to describe. I just had a weird feeling about it. It was like what you would see when you wake someone from a very deep sleep and they act kind of weird, but worse. She hasn't slept well in weeks so I didn't know if me being sleep deprived was causing my anxiety to be worse, or if it was a feeling that I should really be listening too. I wasn't really sure what to think other than I was kind of freaked and didn't think it was normal. Anyway, on Friday, I was up a little earlier than Kinley. I went in to check on her and she had JUST woken up. A few seconds after she did, out of no where, both eyelids were twitching, her mouth was twitching, and she was staring off into space. her body acted limp but the twitching was going on and wasn't stopping. My phone was right there and I thought I recorded it to show a doctor but instead it only took a picture. I had nothing but sheer panic set in. Caleb was still sleeping and while it was happening, I shook Caleb to wake up and he too watched what was happening. I was calling her name, put my hand on her belly trying to kind of snap her out of it and nothing was working. To me, it looked like she was having a seizure. All in that time period, I didn't know what to do. I've heard that if it's seizures, you are supposed to just let them pass. After maybe 40 seconds, she stopped. I picked her up and she stretched and pulled a smile. I was scared to death as to what I just saw. I was shaking and started crying. I told Caleb something is wrong. That is not normal. She originally had her 4 month well check for Tuesday and I was just going to mention what was going on at that appointment, but after what I had just seen, I wanted her seen ASAP. After the incident, she seemed fine. She seemed her normal self. I still was scared to death and didn't want to take my eyes off of her for a second. I called the doctor and was able to switch her well check for later that day, thank goodness. I called my mom and just started to sob because I guess that mom's just bring out the emotions in ya sometimes. I told her what had happened and that I had an appointment later that day. Caleb had to work and she didn't want me going alone so she was able to last second take a half day at work so she could come. Fast forward to the doctors. I told them what was happening and long story short, the doctor is confident that they aren't seizures, and that it's basically from her not sleeping well. Because she isn't sleeping well, when she does sleep, it's most likely a deep sleep. So when she wakes up, she is waking from a deep sleep which is causing the twitching. Her nervous system get's relaxed when she is in that deep sleep, so when she wakes up, it's rare, but also a natural reflex that is happening. He said if it were seizures, her eyeballs would be twitching vs. her eyelids, and he also said it is SO so rare for infants this little to have seizures. He said to continue to watch her (obviously) and  her sleeping patterns and go from there. Since Friday, she has only done one more episode and it was very subtle. I felt good leaving the office but I'm still not 100% convinced. I'll watch her and see what happens. So, that's VERY relieving as of now that it's not seizures. Since it was her 4 month well check as well, she did get her set of shots. Heartbreaking might I add. Guh it's awful to watch. Her shots have not made her feel well at all and she has slept a lot. More sleep means she has not had any more of the twitching episodes. Which is good. As sad as they are, they have also allowed me to sleep a little more than I have and I NEEEED it. Anyway. That's that for Kinley's scare. I am SO grateful it's nothing serious. Before I saw the doctor, of course I am thinking the worst case scenario and I tell ya, there is nothing more scary. All you want for your babies is for them to be healthy and so loved. And knowing that there was a possibility of something not ok happening was nothing but terrifying. I'm grateful that my baby is healthy.

Anyway, on to Kinley being 4 months old. CRAZY! How?! I seriously didn't know that I could love someone so much. She brings such a special spirit in our home and I am so blessed to be her mama.

at 4 months Kinley....

*weighs 13.2 lbs (33%)

*is 24 inches (30%)

*size 3-6 month clothes

*size 1 diapers

*is finding her voice and coos a lot 

*starting to giggle

*has rolled over once

*sleeps 2-5 hour stretches but mainly 2. I think this is from her 4 month  growth spurt

*smiles at dad every time she sees him

*still a huge mama's girl
*still eats every 1.5-2 hours. LOTS of feedings
*has stranger danger and HAS to have mom be in sight
*starting to recognize her hands and grasping onto things
*is a very happy baby

Here's some pictures of Kinley at 4 months.

Thumb sucker!

Shots= sick baby which result in LOTS of cuddles. Bless her heart.

Happy Easter! My sister came up from Utah and my parents are out of town for Easter Sunday, so we celebrated Easter on Saturday. Nothing crazy, we just had a lunch, and then had a little Easter egg hunt for the grand babies. Kinley was not feeling well the entire day from her shots so we did lots of cuddling.

Easter egg hunt

Caleb has to always get a smile out of Kinley before he can start his day or before he goes to work. It's the cutest! 

Cuddles from grandma.

We ended Easter with a couple of haircuts and a MASSIVE blowout. Just what my baby does best! SO many stained clothes.

Here's just a few other random pictures from lately.

I love hims!

Since moving, we still have yet to get a couch. We have a set in mind, but we are saving our moneys for a little bit longer. Until then, we all squish onto our recliner. It's squishy, but works for now. 

New washer and dryer and bebes

Last week we FINALLY got our new washer and dryer. And can I just say how I LOVE having my own set! I've basically had a certain day of the week that I can do laundry for the past 4+ years so it's wonderful being able to do it whenever I darn well please.

And now more pictures of lately and yes most of them are of my child. She's my life!

First night in 3-6 month clothes and they fit perfectly. :( :)

I don't think I will ever be able to train her to sleep in her crib because I just love holding her tooooo much! It may be a problem later but I'm gonna deal with it as it comes because these are the moments that I absolutely LOVE.

This was her 4th outfit for this day all before noon. Thanks to peeing through an outfit, major spit up on another, blowout on her 3rd. Still all smiles though!

The cutest footies!

Tummy time and new toys.

Nothing better. Seriously.

Fresh from tubby time! haha her hair kills me. 

I also wanted to jot down a few side notes of postpartum things. 1. My hair you guys! :*( Seriously it is falling out in clumps and I am shedding like I have never before. I've got legit bald spots on the sides of my head, and it's the thinnest it's ever been. I FINALLY have it at a length I'm starting to like but because it's falling out SO bad, it's not looking too good because it's so thin. Do I cut it? Deal with it? Just curl it every day to add volume? Guh I have no idea. It's depressing though and makes me want to cry almost daily because of it. Besides that, I feel like my hormones are pretty much back into balance and I have a good hang of things. I still deal with a decent amount of anxiety but mostly when other people hold Kinley. I honestly don't like it. I'm not sure how to go about that. Hopefully still with time it'll get better. Otherwise, I'm feeling good! I feel better than I did before I was pregnant. 

Caleb has SO many vacation days saved up from the past couple years and he is having to use a bunch before he gets a bunch more in June. So, he has had random days off and it's been the best! We've been running errands and it's just been SO nice to just know he is home, even if we are doing our own thing during the day. I love it! So does he!

Thumb sucker

Last week we finally picked up Libbie. She has been at Caleb's parents for a good 3+ months. Pretty much since we had Kinley. We saw her every once and a while but she mainly stayed over there. I had a lot of anxiety bringing her back around Kinley and that's one of the reasons it's taken so long to get her back. That, and we had been so busy with moving and doing all the errands for this house. So when we picked her up it was time to go straight to the groomers. She got groomed and looks much better. Now she's here with us. Caleb is so happy she's back. He missed her the most. It's been alright and my anxiety is getting better about it all.

Last week I got to hang out with my brother. We went to lunch at Texas Roadhouse and then went shopping. Kinley did overall super well which made the day fun.

Kinley has become quite the thumb sucker this last week. It's so flippin cute when she does it!

Here's just a couple more pictures

Dad picks out the cutest outfits for her.

She finally LOVES her swing. I was hesitant to buy one because it seems like babies either love em or hate em. When we first got it, she hated it which was a little frustrating since they are not cheap. After some time she now loves it and will swing for a long time. It's how I get my cleaning done. She even falls asleep in it sometimes after I've put her in there. 

I finally bought me a few new clothes which I DESPERATELY needed. I now feel so much better in clothes that actually fit. It felt good to do something for ME. I haven't bought myself something in who knows how long. 

Otherwise, life is going great. Everything about it is going good. We are grateful, we are happy! 

New house, 3 months old, weight loss, lots of updates!

Holy cow I have neglected my blog the past month. All for a good reason though. We have been SO busy! Let's start with the Superbowl. Me and Caleb went to Big Juds for a superbowl party. We are not big into sports at all so we were the ones that didn't know who was playing or what was going on. All I know, is that we lost 20 bucks and one kid there won the bet and walked out with $120. haha. It was fun to talk to the girls there though.

His shirt. Haha

We officially closed on our first home on February 11th! It was VERY exciting! It's a perfect starter home for our family.

The WHOLE next week was FILLED with crazy busyness. We re painted the entire home and put new carpet in. It was fun because it was mainly me and my dad that did most of it. We did runs to Idaho Falls to carpet shop together, get paint, and then our days were filled with being at the house painting and doing all the little fix ups. A side note. My parents are seriously A-MAZING. I am forever grateful for them and their willingness to work hard and help us out. They helped SO much with all the painting, and gearing up for us to move out of their home. Caleb would head to the home after his long shifts at work so he could paint. It was a bit hectic between running errands all over, painting, fixing up the house all with caring for Kinley. Here's some before and after pictures of the home.

Carpet ripped out and all the walls were white. Some rooms had an accent wall.

One of the accent walls

Both bathrooms were this blue color

Master bedroom was green

Thank GOODNESS for our rock n play. Saved us while we were busy painting. Lots of painting and walking over to talk to Kinley for a minute, then back to painting. 

I'm not going to lie. I felt like one bad mom through that whole week. I was trying hard to work and put in as much effort as I could to my home and still try to give the attention needed to Kinley. By the end of the week, Kinley neeeeeded me and I needed her. Bad. It's hard to juggle it all around. Now for the after pictures.

Cousin Emma

Master bedroom

It turned out to look almost new, and SO different than it previously did. Caleb was at work when I picked the paint and carpet. I showed him what I voted we did and his response was, "looks great". Haha so we went with a grey color for the walls and a grey, black, and white flecked carpet. We are really happy with the turnout and I'm proud of my picking out skills. haha. I wish I had taken a before picture of the old carpet that was in there. We replaced it because it had a urine smell and a couple areas that were bald from dogs chewing up the carpet. Turns out the owners that lived there PREVIOUSLY to the owners that sold the home to us had like 10 dogs that NEVER got taken out and had peed on the floor EVERYWHERE throughout the entire house. When we ripped the carpet up there was SO many pee stains and the smell was overwhelming. It was absolutely disgusting. We ended up painting the actual floor before they layed carpet to for sure keep the urine smell out. Now the home smells brand new and fresh. We are SO happy with it!

So over the weekend of the 19th, we moved in. I decided it's not easy to be 35 weeks pregnant and moving, or having a 3 month old and moving. It's both hard and very tiring.

Just takin a little break.

The final drive away from my parents was bittersweet. When we moved in there, I was bitter and not the happiest person about the whole situation. Now that we were leaving, I was kinda sad about it! I had grown to love having the company while Caleb was gone at work, and also just getting closer to all my family again after not living there for nearly 6 years. So, I may of cried a little when I left. 

We have moved in and are loving it here. The first day of moving, Kinley came down with her first sickness so it was not my ideal day. Poor baby. She had a cold and you could tell she just did not feel well at all. That night I came down with getting sick too. So we both had colds all week. I had been running on very little sleep since Kinley was sick which made me exhausted. We had stuff to get done every day so I had to push through the want of just sitting and taking a break. We pushed through and went out and got our first grocery shopping done. We had NO food so it had to be done. It was an ALL day ordeal. It was 2 carts FULL and hundreds of dollars later, we have food, and some things for the house. We still need quite a bit, like couches, but, it's slowly but surely coming. Me and Caleb last Monday went and shopped for a washer and dryer. We have been looking for anything for months now and seriously NOTHING has come up or people won't get back to me. So, we ended up just buying a new set. They had to order them so I will continue taking our laundry to my parents for the next two weeks. Not horrible, but it is inconvenient and takes up my whole day the day I decide to go and do it. 

FINALLY a room to make adorable for Kinley. I've waited for this my whole life and it's exciting to finally put together a cute nursery!

The crib is put together. Still working on the rest of the room but I'm in LOVE with how cute it's looking already.

Somethin about a guy holding his daughter and my leopard diaper bag makes my heart all mushy and stuff. So freakin cute.

The many home depot trips made.

Our first night in our first home!

Monday day date shopping for a washer and dryer.

All in all, we are loving the home and the area. We have tweaked things to our liking, and there are some summer projects with the yard we want to do. We tried a run down mexican food place to eat and it tasted good! I think sometimes the old run down places have the best food. I'm currently trying to figure out how to decorate it and make my home feel a little more homey. I need to go get curtains, some shelves, wall hangings, and stuff to decorate the top of my cupboards. So many cute ideas and I just need to pick something and go with it. Yesterday (Wednesday) we FINALLY got internet installed. I tell ya, a whole week and 2 days without internet is seriously awful. I couldn't even upload anything on my phone. So, we watched a lot of movies and took advantage of getting things done around the house that we needed too. Me and Caleb seriously feel SO blessed to finally own a home. It's been a long time coming and it's been very exciting to buy things for OUR home. We have our OWN mailbox, a garage, a DISHWASHER people, WINDOWS, a yard, space to put things, our OWN furniture, and best of all, PRIVACY! haha we aren't living with people or near people where there is always some sort of interaction with family. I'm grateful for Caleb's job that allows me to still stay home and be a stay at home mom and have it also pay for this home and all our other bills that life brings. We're just very blessed, and very grateful. 

My sweet Kinley is 3 months old!

*Dealt with her first sickness

*0-3 month clothes and size 1 diapers

*Sleeps 6-9 hours at night for the most part. She'll randomly have a rough few days or week but then gets back on track.

*Smiles a lot! Especially at Caleb. It's adorable.

*Still a HUGE mama's girl

*absolutely HATES her car seat. It gives me anxiety knowing we need to go anywhere because the drive to and from is a nightmare.

*Loves bath time

*Loves to still be swaddled and snuggled

*Sucks on her fists A TON now

She is seriously such a joy to be around and is happy most of the time. Here's just a bunch of my favorite pictures of her recently.

Best thing to see when we are in the car. haha

One of my favorite things. Naps with mom.

Always smiling at dad.

Her hair is long enough to have little piggies! haha So cute!

Precious sleeping be be's

My dad is so sweet with Kinley. It's adorable!

My sister came over to get her hair done. Entertaining Kinley while her hair was processing.

She's been sucking on her bottom lip lately and it cracks me up.

Naps with dad.

Her little hands are so sweet.

Happy happy before bed

My cute little baby! GAH! I just LOVE her!

Another little update on my weight loss. I have officially lost 40 pounds below my pre pregnancy weight. 

I'm thrilled about this! I think the only downfall about it right now is that I have NO clothes that fit. They all do not flatter me at all. I have like 3 shirts that i've kept that are old that fit but I desperately need to go shopping for some new clothes. That, and also to get my wedding ring re sized. It's so big so I can't wear it because I'm afraid it'll slip off and I'd lose it. Happy day though! I'm hoping to still lose another 20 pounds or so. More would be great but I want to be realistic too. 

My sister drove up from Utah to visit everyone. I felt bad because it was in the middle of both me and Kinley being sick, and also us in the middle of our hectic week with moving and getting settled into our house. It was still awesome to see her. I miss her! I still wish she lived here!

Cousin Kash loving on Kinley. So cute!

On Sunday, Big Juds threw a going away party for Caleb's boss and his fiance. It was a fun little party and we are going to miss them! I have grown to really be great friends with her. We will still see them when we go to Boise which will be fun.

Life is going so great right now. I feel like all the big goals that we wanted in life are happening all at once. It's overwhelming, but in a good way. We are staying very busy and most of all, happy. :)