Health problems and venting

FYI this post is mainly me venting and also a bit personal....yet again. feel free to read and if you can help me out id appreciate it! So like i said in my last post, i have endometriosis. If you want to know what it is, google it. and after i found out its got me a little scared. even though its nothing huge to some people, to me i feel like it is. I wish i knew somebody closeish to me that had it so i could talk to them about it and share stories. Its one of the top 3 reasons why women are infertile. You know the question you get asked, "whats your biggest fear?" i always told people snakes but deep down it was ALWAYS not being able to conceive a baby. and now my worst fear may end up true. I dont know cause we arent at the point in our lives to start a family quite yet. although now that i have this, im wondering if waiting to start a family will decrease my chance of getting pregnant. and pregnancy could help with the pain that comes with endometriosis. Its hard knowing that maybe the pain could for a while stop if you get pregnant, but its so hard knowing that me and caleb arent quite on the same page with it. The pain that i deal with month to month is excrutiating at times and feeling like your overdosing on pain meds, heat pads, and sleep just isnt cutting it. Its hard when i have to lie to people to get out of things when really its just my health. Ive had to make up excuses to miss work, school, activities, and stuff even on a daily basis because of this and i wish it were to go away. Its hard to deal with this plus my IBS because that alone is a nightmare at times. Knowing that surgery is coming up once the insurance kicks in scares me but also gives me hope. but mainly scares me. If someone reads this who is also suffering from endometriosis, id love to talk :) so for now, i will try to stay positive. no matter what, god has a plan for each one of us weather its the plan i had in my head or not. and honestly, im grateful i now have answers so that i dont just sound like im complaining all of the time. Send happy vibes my way. i need it! i promise my next post will be a happy one. :)