Maybe one day...

So i havent posted anything in a while and to be quite honest, its because lifes been pretty much the same since you last read. except for one thing. my stomach has been on quite the rollar coaster ride lately. i dont know what it is, but writing my life down on this blog that im sure hardly anybody even reads truly helps me. Its my way of venting almost and makes me feel much better if i write it down. I should probably do it on paper so no one has to read about my flaws in life but i am human. Humans have struggles. And if i even help one person our there from them reading this then that makes me happy. Anyways, my stomach has quite honestly made me very mad. I look back at when all these stomach issues of mine started and how it was at a time i was going through and dealing with so much. And i cant help but wonder if id be dealing with all the problems today if things were different in my past. If last year wasnt as rough as it was, maybe things would be different. I kind of find it funny that when people find out that i have IBS people instantly assume that, "oh, its just IBS". occasional stomach ache or something. And i do know that there are different levels of it. Mine sadly isnt just an occasional stomach ache. Do people not realize how much your life revolves around food? how much you should eat in one day to remain healthy, how often people bring goodies to work and offer it to you, going on vacations and going to dinner, going out with friends always ends up with going to eat somewhere, or going on a date usually involves food, family gatherings? and do people not get that its hard and frustrating to turn it away most every time? Its something i will admit that i truly struggle with. Most people love food and its hard to watch people eat your favorite something right in front of you while you politely say "no thank you". This last year and a half dealing with this annoying stomach of mine has been so hard. As sad as this is, im somewhat grateful caleb goes through the same situation because that way im not alone dealing with it. Im obviously sad he deals with the pain too, but to know that someone actually gets it is comforting. This last 2 weeks or so has been really bad. So i cant help but get frustrated. I have tried so many things and have a list of my "safe" foods but even those havent been safe lately. So its been frustrating, and quite honestly, exhausting. I dont want this post to be me being all angry or people feeling sorry for me. I hope someone reads this and knows that if your going through similar experiences, your not alone. I constantly find myself dreaming that maybe one day it will all go away. That i wont have the anxiety i do to simply go to work and have episodes. Maybe one day i will be healthy again and will be able to eat what i want without making me pay for it for days later. I suppose a girl can dream, right?? until then, i am trying my hardest to make the best of it. It could always be worse. I just keep trying to tell myself as i lay here in discomfort that, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.....right? right!