The Niederer's: New years, Stomach flu, No sleep, New niece

We rang in the new year by hanging out at my parents for the evening, then that night we just came back home. I went to bed the second after Kinley. So no party here. The joys of getting older. Not even sad about going to sleep early. haha

Last week was a stinkin rough week. Kinley's sleep hasn't gotten any better and over the last little while her personality has gotten hard to deal with as she is getting older and hitting new stages. I was exhausted and usually always go to bed right after Kinley. I had gotten her down a tiny bit early one night and was so excited that I could FINALLY go to sleep since I was wiped. I woke up to her coughing at about 10 pm and when I checked the monitor I couldn't quite figure out what was going on. I got up to check on her and had found that she had thrown up everywhere. I pulled her out of bed and had Caleb help me get her sheets taken off and into the wash while I got her into a bath. She seemed just fine so we thought maybe she just gagged or something when she was coughing. We got her cleaned up and got my bed ready so she could sleep with us since we don't have another set of sheets to put on her crib. I was nursing her back to sleep when she stopped and threw up ALLL over me, her, and the recliner. She had the flu for sure. It was awful. That was the start to a VERY long and sad night. I called for Caleb and we got her cleaned up again. She threw up 2 more times that hour. By that time she was lethargic and so so sick. There was already throw up all over me, her for the 4th time, Caleb, and her pack n play. Caleb gave her a blessing because she just seemed so sick so fast. We got her settled in our bed. She threw up 4 more times in the night. Vomit was all over in our bed, her, me, just everywhere. It was awful. We made it through the night. Caleb had to get up for work that next morning so I was on my own. A little side note. I have struggled with anxiety for years, and it's gotten actually really bad. One of the biggest and main things I have anxiety about is people being sick, particularly the stomach flu, germs, and ME getting sick and not being able to take care of my family, especially while I am nursing. It's weird I know but the worry eats me alive at times. So because of the anxiety, I was feeling really sick myself. I was nauseous from the start, had the shakes all night, couldn't sleep, basically was having anxiety attacks one after another all night. So Monday rolls around and Kinley hadn't thrown up in like 6 hours. I tried to nurse her just a little. She had kept it down so I figured we were through the worst of it. I nursed her just little bits here and there throughout the day trying to keep her somewhat hydrated. I finally gave her like a couple bites of jello and a tiny bit of gatorade. She went down for a nap. While she napped, I cleaned EVERYTHING. When she woke up, the diarrhea began. And it was blowouts from her hair to in between her toes. I got her cleaned up, came out to the living room just for her to throw up ALL over me, my living room, and as I hurried into the kitchen where the hard floor is, she finished off there. She was crying, I was basically in tears just because I felt bad, and I was just cleaning up mess after mess. I got her in another bath and as I was getting her dressed, she starts throwing up again all over her towel and in her room. I needed help. I was alone and there was seriously vomit everywhere. Me, in my hair, all over Kinley, my living room, kitchen, Kinley's sobbing, she's miserble, it was just bad all around. I called Caleb at work. He left and he was on his way home to help me. Long story short, I was in my last lounge outfit, beds still needed made, Caleb used the carpet cleaner to get vomit out of our carpet, cleaned up all the piles of throw up, and once Kinley fell asleep, I finally hopped in the shower that evening. Something that was frustrating to me was that Kinley had thrown up her seizure medication both nights. It was just a frustrating inner battle. If she throws up, we are supposed to re dose until it stays down. But she kept gagging and puking so I felt bad having her be so sick and not being able to keep it down and was ready to just say to heck with it, but then was nervous if I didn't give it because I didn't want to risk the seizing on top of her already being a risk where she was sick. I cried, she cried, and it was just awful. Kinley puked 12 times over a course of 48 hours and had countless diarrhea diapers. After her 12th time of puking, I got her to bed for the night and was praying she would just sleep. I went to bed not feeling well. I didn't know if it was the anxiety or what. But sure enough, a few hours later I was up throwing up. So, I was up all night puking my guts out. Kinley still woke up 3 times that night. I was so weak and miserable. Caleb would bring her to me while I nursed her and just sat there miserable. I got through the night and the next day was Caleb's day off. THANK goodness. He didn't feel well either but he helped tend to Kinley while I basically layed on the couch and tried my hardest to tend to Kinley the best I could too since I knew she still didn't feel good. Anyway, we made it through the week. Mine was mostly a 24/48 hour bug but Kinley's lingered all week really. She refused ANY solid food for 4.5 days. We feel much better this week though and we are SO stinkin grateful. It was awful.

If I wasn't holding her, she would be on a towel to hopefully catch the throw up. Poor sweet bug.

Miserable.

Last outfit, puke in the kitchen, Kinley is miserable, puke in my hair, waiting for Caleb to save us.

After the whole flu bug week, I was just beyond exhausted. Kinley and her sleep is just, honestly, one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. The lack of sleep, the interrupted sleep night after night after night is just exhausting. Kinley had woke up 6 times one night (which is nothing new and actually pretty normal for her) and I just felt like that night I HAD to do something. I had to. I have tried literally EVERY SINGLE THING to get this baby to sleep and NOTHING has worked. I decided that night to go against what her neurologist has said and to attempt sleep training. I cannot keep doing this night after night. After being up for hours one night, I said forget this. I quit nursing cold turkey in the night. I'm hoping that alone will maybe help some. I made the decision to start weaning her from nursing, but would not nurse her at all in the night. Along with that, I started sleep training where I lay her in her crib. If she gets up, I lay her back down. Over and over and over. She gets up before I can even lay her down so to say it's exhausting and so wearing is an understatement. Each night it has taken a good 2 hours, tons of crying, gagging, snot, and laying her down over and over. My patience has been tested tons, I have lost my temper a couple of times, then feel guilty because I did, Caleb has gone in and done the laying her down over and over too. When I talked to other mom's most all the mom's that did this method said it took about 3 days and each night got better because their baby just knew. But no, not Kinley. In fact it's getting worse and harder. We are on day 6 and it still takes a good 2 hours each night at least to get her back down. I am at a loss. I have felt defeated, so tired, so frustrated, and often wonder if maybe I am going about this the wrong way. I have no clue what I am supposed to do. I get jealous of babies that sleep, nap, and allow their mom's to have that alone/me time that is NEEDED to be a good mom. I'm trying to just stay consistent and HOPE that one of these nights she just knows that she can go back to sleep if she wakes up, or even better, she can just sleep through the night. That would be amazing. Anyway, so that's the update on her sleep. In a nutshell, it's still awful.

As for other news, Caleb is doing good! I am doing good. Kinley has gotten to a stage where she is basically a sour patch kid. SO bossy, sassy, moody, dramatic, but then as sweet as can be when she wants to be. She throws tantrums, has become an extremely picky eater, and has gotten quite the personality lately. Life has been wearing lately, but also good too. No complaints here.